Hibernation

Activity is life. However, not always true. You are passive, breath just sufficient to sustain life, doing nothing and utilizing the energy stored earlier in the active phase of life. That is what hibernation is. If I remember it correct, what was taught in lower classes of biology? Frog is the typical example of it I guess.

Once I need to be in the same vegetative state of hibernation. Nevertheless, where to go. Only place I can hide myself in the quite environment is library. At least no gossips, murmurs, backbiting and leg pulling. I remember the last incident that always warns me not to sleep in the library. Slept in the library hands folded and head rested over forearm. Woke up after one hour or so. I found my part of right hand dissociated from the body, senseless, fatigued and not moving, and slowly current like sensation, which persisted quite longer than my science expects. This is what people call funny bones, if I am correct. That incident warns me not to sleep in the library. And I have never slept after that.

Yes, I am almost hibernated in library since long. I need to focus over what is important, what minimum is and what is expected. Need to sense what is probable also. This way I can save my precious time and energy. No more blogging. Should sleep now……..

Most of the things I was able to manage today. As per my plan

1)I changed my bed sheet. It was almost tricolor. I don’t want to reveal when it was changed last time. Yes I have to accept I am lazy and what’s the harm if I accept I am bit disorganized too. Since last couple of days I was sharing my bed with my books. The corner is full occupied with books. The 1/3rd portion of the length is occupied by my disorganized books. I didn’t want to arrange it because I was used to with the arrangement of books. A complete heavily disorganized yet not beyond my reach and search. I am sure I changed my bed sheet last month and it was complete white. Here comes the reality. The folded portion beneath was complete white. The portion occupied by the books was creamy because of dust and the major portion which was my battle field was creamsih-black. I don’t say it black, because I know I will be hit by the rotten eggs if I say it black. I am scared not because of rotten eggs rather scared of taking bath again.( still i don't cnsider myself dirty) So it was white cream and black (truth reveals finally it was indeed black). Anyway I have changed but my intelligence this time offered to change a dark color bed sheet. For sure I will change it earlier than previous.




2)I wrote a complaint letter to sify too. goes like this..

Dear customer service, sify.

A never complaining regular and obedient customer of your finds sify a hopeless and useless internet service provider both in terms of service and commitments. These are the reasons why I wanted to shift the service provider. Both cable / wireless were frustrating in last few months. Please go through few of your achievements


a) The network keeps going down every hour and many times the whole of weekends

b) No point calling up anyone and waste my energies chasing everyone here.

c) Customer Support is more or less are useless, always talk to forwarding the query to Technical desk and that "We'll get back to you". In the end nothing happens.

d) My demand was to provide uninterrupted net but it was a dream always. Forget about the mentioned speed. The 256kbps never speed up more than 30kbps even in low traffic hour.

e) Renewal again is one big hassle.

f) Sify ppl call up asking about my willingness to renew and even though after mentioning Yes, they are unable to renew because the CTO has no (never has) credit to his account with Sify. And tired of calling the local service providers.

The same amount of hiccups and much more. The problems were endless. So I left sify. Rather kicked it.


But I am not expecting more from this new ip provider too, because every dog has a twisted tail…

3)I am still studying according to my target and will finish by the time I sleep if not I will speed up the gear and try to finish it.

4)shall I consider myself as happy man now?

More than that I imagine how much I will enjoy the fresh bed sheet today. Will sleep like I have never slept such a way before. Good night..

Things to do tomorrow...if possible..

I am planning since the age of a toddler who used to cry for lollypop. The moment I used to get lollypop I would plan for next day how to get it? But I never plan for a long term. Always my plans are short term. If not executed in time I just plan it for the next day. My plans for tomorrow:-

1) Change the bed sheet. It's tri-color now.

2) Write a thrash letter (mail) to sify people.

3) So much to study.

4) If I can save time after all 3 plans expand this blog, I mean explain this blog...

I will be the happiest person in this world if I do all 4 otherwise my plan is to execute at least 3 of the 4.. Preferably no. 1 and 3 with priority.

Typical day

Following similar routine, get up early with irritating red eyes, dry throat, hallucination of being slept or not, illusion of still being in the library. Hurry up and take bath, sit for breakfast, with a cup of tea march towards library. Probably this describes my usual day. Come for food in between and occupy the same chair in the library. Pile up few more books and come to room at around 11 pm and have dinner. Rest for a while and again same chair in the library. Be there till you are irritated with books. Come to the room and sleep at the odd time when the city is ready to wake up. This is how my typical days are. No matter whether it is a regular day, Sunday or funday.

Was going through the previous question papers today. All unexpected and surprising. More of never read and cannot guess and write even a paragraph, forget about pages. God! Cannot imagine the situation where paper would be tough enough to write and hopelessly looking at the ceiling, counting the rotation of fan per minute and attempting the wild guesses. I know same will be the situation but I am helpless.

I am fully recovered from the viral fever I should say. Apart from few sudden whoops my throat is comfortable. This time it persisted more than the time I expected. It warns me the status of my immunity. Stress declines immunity my small brain speaks out. And I nod my head for it, you are right my small brain. Last 10 days left. Days to comprehend what I have studied, revise what have been read, and skip what not to go through though how tempting it would be.

Really, don’t feel like writing any more. .so sleepy…

So funny...

There is no such headache or eye strain today. My eyes are being tuned up with the corrected lenses. Still I find slight mismatch in ground coordination. May be just because it was corrected more to vertical axis than earlier. It reminds me the same event 4 years back. My eyes were corrected more to the vertical axis slightly more than needed and started the magic. I started seeing all the girls of my class tall, exceptionally taller than I used to see earlier. I started misjudging the height of the door. I was little perplexed to sense the height and breadth of objects. And narrated the story in the funny way to my consultant. He really loved the way I mentioned " sir mujhe sare ladkiya lambi lagne lagi " The brilliant ophthalmologist needed no more description and changed my power. Things settled the very next minute.

Rest if fine, life is smooth, peace prevails since I am not going to department. I am really pampered with my independence these days. Also struggling hard to prepare for exam. Don't know what is the use of stressing life in such a way just to prepare for exam. That's why I don’t like the system of examination. It should be student friendly in any subjects. Why should we suffer at the end of the course? And why should not be there a system of examination for those who wants to taste us? Even they need the same. Then only they realize this examination system is a real shit....

Tired and exhausted.....need to sleep now...

Silly doc.. Its me... i was going mad with my eyes. Frequent headache and eye strain.. I didn’t know the exact cause behind it.. But today my doc says you need to change your glasses. Me not sure its because of refraction... any way i will get it tomorrow..

I was waiting for my turn to come for refraction and was just thinking weird.

WHAT IF I FAIL...AND I WAS ANSWERING MYSELF A FRAUSTRATON AND DEPRESSION FOR FEW DAY. PEACE EXACTLY LIKE AFTER HURRICAIN. AND WHAT ELSE.. STUDY AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT EXAM... THATS ALL I CAN DO.. BUT I WILL BE MOVING SOX MONTHS LATE BECAUSE CALENDER WON’T WAIT FOR ME.

ON THE OTHER HAND WHAT IF I PASS..HAPPINESS, TATA AIIMS, AND FURTHER STUDY IF MY BRAIN ALLOWS ME AND SO CALLED STAMINA PULLS ME AHEAD. OTHERWISE HOME OFFICE OFFICE HOME. THATS ALLL.

NEED TO STUDY........A LOT...

many things to do....

Finally the count down begins… years to months, months to weeks and finally days... Coming to AIIMS was a dream.. It was a dream to me and more to my dad… He becomes nostalgic when he starts talking about AIIMS. This was the only place where he insisted me to be. Story behind AIIMS is he was treated here long back the same year I was borne. He was tired of roaming many places and finally landed in AIIMS for his treatment. AIIMS treated such a way that he still is not tired of talking about it. Then made a dream of making his kid a doctor. What a crazy dream. For god shake he is the proud father now. Yes he was happier than me when I came here. Now finally time has come to leave this place if things go smooth and landed safely.

I am revising the things I have already read. But still I find it so new that I have never read it. So funny… it seems my brain is growing old. How long it can be so active. Everything comes to an end. I have less time in hand but what I can do? There are 24 hours in a day. I cannot make it 30. If I am to make, I would have made it 48 hours and night would be of 30 hours. I don’t want night to go so easy. Just like an owl.

What ever comes in between I am just postponing it after exam. My reflexes are so set if someone calls me from back….. oh!! ok ….. after exam. This is the usual first response in my brain. I was going through “to do after exam” list. Thank god I have not written like… food after exam…. bath after exam. Its so funny going through the list….

Oh still can’t forget the librarian staring me. I took out so many books from many places and piled up in my table. What I can do for it? I needed them so took out. But I kept them in same place in similar order to make him happy. Though it was not my job I did it. I know he won’t be annoyed with me. At times I have helped him too. He was one of the few I gave the medical leave certificate for mere back pain??? . Haaa haa this is the best way to make them happy.. And I should not forget he has issued those new books which are not meant to. And I xeroxed them. Is it parasitism? Or symbiosis? Don’t know. Thanks uncle once again for your tricks how to survive comfortably in life? Uncle I could make these people happy - mess fellow, canteen fellow, tea stroller, postman, and shoemaker, librarian, and so on…..and I am happy too. The moment I ask, I get them in my service. Ha ha nice tricks you have shared. Thanks.

What next sleep or study. No no, no books any more…. I sometimes think I should have continued painting in such situation. I am out of sketch frame and form these days. Don’t have that concentration also. No even a single painting in last 3 years!!!!!!. Don’t know where I kept all those brushes, color tubes and pencils. I guess I lost many brushes during Ranchi stay. Even though I will restart after exam…… one more in the lists of to do after exam...

life is same here.....

Good news – I am relieved form the department.. I don’t need to wake up early at 7 am. I can sleep till I feel like sleeping. Who want to miss it? Early morning vivid dreams, and a moderately warm quilt and a 27/28 degree air conditioner.. Oh god what a heaven… and after that, a cup of tea, cannot imagine there is next heaven too…..

I am almost recovered from viral fever but exam fever still persists. I Don’t mind, so many exams I have given. may be hundreds,,, so it will ba a hundred plus no worries….only concern is those external examiners whom I don’t know much…

Bad news- I got a bad headache. It makes me sad. I really don’t want this thing to happen. It looks like my eye problem again. I am pissed of with this eye problem. It always troubles me in exam time. God no one should suffer from this shit astigmatic myopia….and find a bad light in library too. May be a combination of both…

Rest is same to continue as I used to write in the prescription…….haaaa…

blank.......

dman it..... i wrote a long though i am in a low mood and sick, and could not post it cause i clicked the button delete instead of post it.... stupid uncontrolled finger of mine....and a stupid me.... and its not saved anywhere.. what i learnt today is not to write online. i will write it in word and copy it and post it.. i swear no mistakes next time. i dont have time now to rewrite it..


i am feeling better.... ..... this is how i started but so sorry...

Viral fever.....

I am damn tired. Yesterday I had a headache and toothache. Last night I started with irritative pharynx. Early morning I had congested chest. Whole day I was coughing like a barking dog. Now my chest feels insult even on deep breath. Difficult to stand and whole body pain. Feel exhausted and burnt up.


No courage to go to the library. Tried to study in room still there is no pace. Mind is not constant. Feeling drowsy and what not….


Sometimes I feel like I am exactly like a mule above. Not been able to meet the demand. Really exhausted ….

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh God

Oh God! What a headache, ear ache or it’s simply a toothache. An intense pain in the mandible arouses me early morning. Not even a half the duration of my disturb sleep cycle. I am sole responsible for this. I have terribly arranged tooth as if somebody has punched and took out my loose tooth in childhood. None occupies the proposed position. Alignment problem, malocclusion and carries. What do I need more to invite frequent pain and tongue bite and check bite? This is the reason I prefer rice than chapatti. Many a time I bite my cheek and leave it as such. A vampire like tooth of mine is troubling me once again.


People say the wisdom tooth grows by 20’s. But still I lack one. I never found it growing. A small rudimentary tooth at the corner of angle of mandible gives me a suspicion for being my wisdom teeth. Could be the reason I am still not sensible and mature. Cause I lack wisdom teeth. Haaaaaa.


I don’t have time to treat it. Being a bone setter this unique bone does not fall into my territory. Otherwise I could have done something innovative to it. I don’t need to run for dentist now. The most expensive treatment is free of cost to me. Hey Sis! your decision was not bad. It’s the age of tooth, eye and ear, and so on….but Sis I am doing what you have warned except those cups of tea and coffee which you think is the main culprit. I am sorry I cannot leave without them now. Antibiotics pain killer mouth gargle and correct way of brushing, all I am doing as if it’s my tooth. But sorry, I am consuming same amount of tea and coffee. Less tea more coffee and less coffee more tea. This is how I am balancing myself. Thinking pain I feel like quitting everything. But the reflexes become slow once I am late to consume coffee. I am very badly addicted these days. I must think over this issue once I am finished with this stress business. With adequate analgesics I am comfortable now.


Oh almost 3 … need to sleep. Don’t know my teeth may treat me bad early morning and disturb my sound sleep….

Reading but not studying.....

I left the library half an hour early. I am tired I know still I cannot control myself from logging into the net once again. Once I log in, I check few of the blog my friends write. Few news channel site and orkut, yahoo and hotmail. I am a hotmail man. The old is good. Apart from sending attachment I hardly use gmail… I created yahoo to talk back home and few friends. if not I talk to them, they mind and scold me like hell. So still my hotmail is far from the junk mail.

As usual I was in operation theatre. I came to know that our internal examiner has just changed. Don’t know? Does it matters in our exam or not! What ever there is no point discussing it… but these days my brain is really occupied with exams. This is the first time I guess a lot of impact is there because of exam. I tried hard to take it casual and be cool as I used to be. But still the frequency somewhere slips and I found myself failed to set back in the track. There is nothing new. Life has become so sooooo boring I find nothing to write.

Back home there is election after 3 days.. I am least interested in politics. But this time I am taking some interest. There are few candidates whom I have heard are in the field. Who so ever wins does not make a difference to me. But my heart wishes them a good luck. Sometime I imagine will a time come and my country will prosper? Will we be called a citizen of a developed nation? Don’t know its not my subject and why should I scratch my head for no reason.

Dad is not feeling well I guess so he called me in the odd time. I know we both are suffered from same disease. Neither he tells that he is in the odd situation, sick or tensed nor I let him know how I am going through. Why should I let them know what I am going through and what exactly the residency is? It quadruples their worries. For them residency is part of education as it used to be a school life. But another part of the coin he is unaware of it. It’s almost the end of it so why to make then into this hopeless issue. As far as brother and sister in law are there I need not to be worried. I know I should give time to them but I am sandwiched in between the department and exam these days.

I guess I need to sleep… must have to wake up at 7 tomorrow.

Memorable day....

Wake up after 8 am. I was little nervous, tensed and shaky. On top of that I had slept few hours back. There was a paper presentation in Indian habitat center. The eminent to prominent orthopaedic surgeons from country were busy showing what they have done and fighting for their recognition. I guess such gatherings are conducted to show the potential one owns. Otherwise science would not flourish. I was tensed right from the morning..

I was prepared from my part. But issue was my paper was first in the arthoplasty session followed by Dr. bhinde and Dr. Laud. And consultant max and appolo and a guy form England. Imagine a neonate ready to walk in the row with adult. It was almost similar situation. I was determined to let them know the youth potential. There was a big tag attached to me. My institute and my guide...so i was little confident too.

Presented the paper at 2:30 pm. bit low in voice and shaky in first few slides but did well after that. If I am to believe my friend listening in the back row it was better than I presented last time in Delhi orthopedic society. That means satisfactory I rated. More than that is the memento they have given. Nice memento and written FACULTY... haahahahhah... I am still a resident yar...

Rest life is boring.. Exam phobia is right over the head. Impending doom of failure is still persisting in my mind as usual with other exams as the last possibility. Let’s pray god for my easy escape...

"PEHLI NAZAR MEIN " RACE..

The moment I open the door, I switch on my radio. Then I do rest of the things. I am addicted to my radio these days. But I never try to understand the songs. What ever, English, Hindi, Tamil or my own Nepal, I really don’t mind. I search some melody. I guess it changes the orientation, the bad shape of mine from the department. Really it keeps me far from all the people called patients and what ever I am doing so called duty.

Recently I watched the movie RACE. That to in the very funny way. I was studying in the library. My friend was so desperate that he made plan in the library itself. We had 15 minutes in hand for the movie to start. Immediately I said lets go. As usual I proved once that I am moody too. As usual I slept in the theatre. This the best part with me. I can sleep any time anywhere, just I need is silence and still environment. I watched the partial movie. Same thing I was doing since ages. Yes I have not watched a full movie so far I remember. Anyway for me movie is just a change of time. I came back and start fighting to compensate the time I gave to my friend.

But suddenly my radio is playing a song from RACE called “PEHLI NAZAR MEIN”. Then I started scratching my head was it from the same movie. I did not noticed and could not make out was it really there. Any way at the mid of this gloomy night I find this song interestingly melodious. Vocal is not bad and damn instrumental. Slow drum and bass. Wow! It’s really great. Then really gave my ears to its lyrics. Does not carry any meaning to my life and resembles nothing but not bad. But it deserves to be the love song. Slightly better than a exemplary love song of the bollywood. I guess I can sleep listening this song if I can download it. But where to store it? My laptop is a big garbage store these days. Its working slow, as slow as me. Don’t know when it will crash and I have to loose my data.. The most precious are my books. Cannot imagine what? If I loose them. Both money and time, a complete waste. At this point nobody knows that I am keeping hundreds of books in my laptop. In fact my lappie caries nothing than my books. The most precious to voluminous. A good collection I have at this point of time. No body in the department knows about my collection. And I don’t want to reveal it. After all I have given my time and money both for it. So I don’t have extra MB for the songs or movies. Better listen from Raaga.com

It’s April 1st or full. Don’t know who will make me fool tomorrow once I wake up. Hey man doesn’t need to make me fool. Remind once again that I am a fool, that’s enough. Haaa haaa… I am a happy creature who loves to laugh alone. Mind it I am not a mad / psycho/ or PAGAL.

Oh almost 3 am. Need to sleep slowly. Tomorrow is operation day. Oh god! Will be free by 6 pm only….