Friday, May 23, 2008

Rainy day

The scorching sun of mid summer in Delhi reminds me the comfortable stay in Ranchi. I have vivid memory of my most comfortable summer of kathmandu. The summer was so rainy in Ranchi even a lazy like me bought an umbrella just because I wanted to enjoy rain. I love rain not because it gives me a comfortable sleep in summer, but because I want to feel it, taste it. Come out of fear of getting fever and sick, wear light clothes and a pair of slipper which on wetting makes crackle sound with every step. March to the field like you are the only creature in the heaven. I enjoy walking over football field. You feel like you are walking over the water cushion. The effect of water cushion, though directly over foot transmit a sensation up to your brain. The sensation each of us should feel. You feel like sedated, elated and exalted slowly. You feel like singing, shouting and crying. Sing till your throat sores, shout till you feel released, and cry till you feel light because no one knows you are crying.

After I came to Delhi, I hardly saw sun and rain. Day time I used to be inside concrete forest healing other’s pain. Night was mine and I used to sleep. Next day I used to see greenery, soaked ground, and my favorite muddy fragrance; which I used to sniff every rainy day. The smell is more at the starting of rain just before the ground is sufficiently wet. Initial drops of rain displace the dust and spread its fragrance. Oh god let me feel the same once again.

More than that, I enjoy watching the rain. The moment there accumulates some water in the ground there starts the magic. Each big drop strikes the water over ground and forms the bubble. The tail of bubble goes high and breaks up. I enjoy watching the bubble hoping this bubble to increase in size gradually. I am crazy for this, each time I expect the bubble to grow. But my dream never comes true. I am happy that my curiosity still keeps me alive to watch rain bubble.

Since last few days I have time to enjoy rain to reach the core of my childhood. Only thing I can’t do is fishing. I feel like smiling at my premature perception that wherever there is water there is fish. I used to search fish every rainy day but I could only get tadpoles. I really want to do the same, please god cry with lot of tears and I will add some to yours, a tear of happiness, pleasure, and a fond memories of childhood and what all I wanted to do since long.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Post EXam.......

All of a sudden my routine has changed. I feel like i am out of the way of my normal activities. Except lunch an dinner everything has changed. I used to move on seconds, eat on minutes, sleep fixed hours and read particular hours. Everything thing has changed , as if i am a prisoner released from jail. A rigorous prison of 3 years, yet i enjoyed though i was kept in jail.

I was enjoying my freedom after exams, Waiting for the results to come. Time for an unofficial result to be declared as official. Funny thing about exam was i got MS degree an A -$ sized printed paper and signed on it . Medical students gaze at it, some raise their eye brows and say WOW MS orthopaedics from AIIMS. Normal to abnormal, rare to rarest, worst managed to ill treated cases; all taught me the real orthopaedics. On top of that the vast experience from our bosses, though they were not keen to share, still i could cheat some from them. I think all this makes the post graduate a different from the rest. Didn't know the real differences but at the end of three years i realize the best place to learn orthpaedics is my institute, the faith of every sufferers and needy. I am happy and lucky in this regard, that i am the institute post graduate

what i gave up to achieve all above is damn funny. Many meals, many sleepless night, frustrated hour, many boring rounds, and scolding hours and finally the mere presence of this creature in only library for seven months. This is what i dedicated to the exam. Worth mentioning was a 5 kg increase in weight, literally crying chair of library, and excessively falling hairs from scalp changing my appearance were the funny events of exam. It would be unfair if i say i was not stressed during exams. Worth mentioning was a continuous support from friends and well wishers made me realize it as a normal process of life. And i took it as the same way. Repeating thanks to all once again.

I slept like a new born after exam. "Khawo piyo sojao and mast raho" was my attitude. Though my colleague objected my presence in library after exam,I don't mind. I enjoy to be there though I study or not. I am to be there to read and enjoy. earlier i was there to study now I am there to Read. I guess it needs no further clarification.

I broke the boundaries of AIIMS many times. Best experience was the metro ride. For me metro was a TV show and a spellbound story from my friends. This time i feel it. A short journey from central secretariat to chandani chowk, the few minutes journey changed my feeling of typical bus lover to metro lover. The system and regulations of metro gave me the lesson of systematic approach to life for the successful outcome.

Not to forget was a Delhi-haat exploration and delhi roam. Hauz Khaas village visit with an interesting friend was another memorable event. Confused what to call it? A life time memorable event; I should never forget or should I always remember?

Monday, May 12, 2008



When I joined MS, I had never thought of becoming exam going and getting ms degree. When I joined my work was to follow order in a manner they are told to me. No right no left; do what ever you are asked for. Early morning to midnight in hospital for continuous 7 months. This was the early residency year. Got a day off after 7 months and was puzzled what to do. I just came out of the room and watched the sun. Literally, I had not seen sun since the last7 months. I was so happy that I got a day off.

I was doing my job obediently. The reward for good job is more jobs. That’s what I was observing. This that, time limits, and do it by tomorrow such were the working orders.

With time I entered the second year loosing my 10 kg weight. I was already underweight when I came here. I don’t remember how many days I would enjoy all three meals a day? Still I entered in 2nd year. My orthopaedics knowledge was rusted by now. Whatever I had learnt and I knew I forgot in the ward duty of 1 year. I don’t want to remember those bad days of strike. Everybody went for strike. My boss said since you are from a different country you have nothing to do with strike and you have to work. Please show me where it is written and where is such rule for me? I said I don’t mind working. I returned early that day. I started getting calls from junior consultants stating that you must work for the ward and casualty too after ward works. I told if I ask for leave? DON’T YOU WANT TO PASS? This was the reply form one of my junior consultant. I know he has to work otherwise so he was putting a pressure on me. This hurt me so much; I can palpate the scar today even. The moment I see his face I feel laughing at him. Bloody I am not your slave. You can ask me to join duty out of request, not out of compulsion and threat. Bloody you are the employee of the government to handle the hospital. It’s not your private property. Your father and father-in-law have nothing to do with it. He only could let you join here. Who are you to say me, don’t you want to pass? I know if there is examination system for you too very few deserve to stay in AIIMS. I know your status and how you joined AIIMS. Whose political puppet you are and where is your remote? So don’t ever threat me. I didn’t answer you back because I didn’t want any controversy at that time and waited for smooth, peaceful life during residency. So out of love and request you can exploit me till I die but if your intentions are either I am in a good position to make you naked. I have nothing personal to you still but what I wanted is there is something wrong inside you what I call is a power privileged egocentric attitude. Come out of it you are a good human dedicated for the needy and ever ready. But just don’t pump your ego and harass me or any one under you.

Gradually I enter in the final of 2nd year. I knew less orthopaedics, more politics, less surgery, tricks to cheat work and being credited for what you have not done too as my senior resident used to do. But my heart which caters honesty didn’t allow me that. So I was unchanged even after that.

Slowly I was about to write theis. I gave my full effort for my thesis. But unfortunately it was 15 days late to correct the few craps. Too many cooks spoil the food. Same thing happened when few unconcerned consultant came forward for its correction. The final correction was,.; p value, noun to pronoun and active to passive voice, few’ the’ were added and few erased. After thesis submission I was serious for my studies. I started going to library in any free time whether minutes or hours. Room for me was to keep books, change clothes, take bath, and sleep for few hours. December onward I read the real orthopaedics. There were occasions I was extremely frustrated, exhausted, and what not? Exam going PG and morning grand round. Don’t want to remember those panicky hours. Educational smothering, academic asphyxia, frequent anger outburst from consultants and teaching rounds, shit how can I forget. I don’t have spy camera else the world should know what is going inside medical institution and how people are behaving their fellow colleague.

So much to study, less time, duty , OT, OPD, and improper and harassing system of examination and my boss at the far end and my MS degree at the opposite end. I was perplexed how I will finish and get MS degree. I was just doing my job waiting for the exam to come and finish it. I was prepared for any untoward results. But had it been such, it would have thrown me the next shore of river. Waiting for six months and go through the same phase of examination. Ohhh I cannot imagine. Our exam is subjected to find what one does not know rather than what one knows? And practical is directed to make you feel you know nothing and you are being given a degree.

Any way I am through all the system, don’t know how much I know orthopaedics, but passed through the phase of residency, passed through the gate of my boss’s boasted ego and results are sealed in the examination cell to award me the MS degree.

(Dedicated to all who taught me orthoapedics, especially to my patients who gave me am immense opportunity to read and operate upon them. For me the real books are my patients, the ward and operation theater)