Cried a lot this year.....

JANUARY:

was preparing for MS exam and everywhere i was giving my attendance as EG PG. Hey people not familiar with medical vocabulary find it as "Exam Going Post Grad". Meaning by, anyone can try their immense knowledge upon these poor creatures by firing question. And being single in the unit my installment was more comparing the the other two colleague in another unit. so was crying for all non sense questions. In fact how much we could read in active duty periods even before exams. So was crying:(:(:(

FEBRUARY:

No way the situation was comfortable. so was continuously crying :(:(:(

MARCH:

you feel like crying when somebody doubts your intention, that was never meant the way it was perceived. Did not cried for it but felt sorry.

APRIL:

Month before exam and not yet prepared the way one expects will not leave your eyes dry. definitely wet. but no tears from the eyes, determination prevails.

MAY:

The tears of happiness rolled down from eyes the day i could perform well in exam and the same day i was declared pass. The final result burst tears into my eyes. whole face was swollen. The happiness amongst family and friends made me cry though no body heard the sound.

JUNE:

Did and independent Lattismus Dosri flap in a tumor defect around neck and shoulder. The drain from the wound got dried with in few days but my eyes kept discharging for some more days. The reason why i could do it was the matter i was crying for. The faith upon me pour gallons of tears. Being a junior resident still in this month did an independent THR, which was no less than a miracle. tearless eyes but cried :(:(:(

JULY:

Got a Degree but not the fellowship that i was interested in. Tried crying but before i could stop myself got the another job. Was not happy with that and left the first day. Almost resigned just before appointment. ha ha ha

AUGTUST:

Got the job happy but not up to mark. was satisfied for what i was learning out of my work but not happy for the way i was learning things in life. once again :(

SEPT:

Was stable in job and study. The most productive month i should say. But the mid and end was so devastating still crying. one day and many incidents. could not meed my senior from college whom i respect for her guidance, when she was in Delhi and even after proper plan to meet her. Canceled it considering important meeting sad people rather than happy people. sad self and could not meet the another sad just because sad makes you sad. God Knows voluntary, involuntary, conscious, subconscious. Matters for those whose innocence drive sensitivity. Any way it matters for those who knows what pain is.:(:(:(

OCTOBER:

Similar incidents, same days in calender but life tells this is not the way to life life. live king size as usual but was helpless so :(:(:(:(

NOVEMEMBER:

Resigned job as it was not giving time for myself. But the resignation is not yet received and still getting salary. crying for bosses keeping such deadly faith upon me. DOnt know what i did so good for them. may be who knows in the earlier life i must have pleased them. crying crying crying reason don't know why?

DECEMBER:

Appeared exam at the worst possible situation ever in life. Though the DNB holds no meaning to me but tried it. But how the situation engulfed me GOD knows. writing for 6 hours for daily for two successive days without getting an hour sleep. Cried praying GOD for not helping me in worst situation. convinced very well that god sends somebody to help no matter it is the mdnight!!! But taught me how to handle life in worst situation.

whole lot of cry is dedicated to myslef and those who are responsible for it:(:(:(

life is not only about crying, smiled and laughed in the same year for achieving the most respected degree from AIIMS and knowing best creatures like CAT... thanks GOD for everything

Smiling though not happy....

Hey people! looking at me from far or near could you please notice the change in me?

Yes ! that means I could not hide my expressions in my expressionless face. I am failed this time. cause generally i would be able to do so. The one very close to me would not be knowing my mood in many occasions.
No !!! that means I am bond again.

Even with so much of pain and wound inside, i was living a normal life and i let it know to myself. Is not it funny? Anyway i am changed and changed is not perceived for a while. ha ha does not mean that i was doing some magic, or disguising myself. Nothing but and added benefit of having expressionless face god has given to me. Thank god it helps sometimes saying i am fine! hey nothing wrong with me and nothing but crying in the corner to blow out the lung.

Life is funny. everything bites. dogs, cats, tiger, lion,and FRIENDS too...

Finally books are back home....only left is me here....

SO MANY BOOKS. AND A TORTURE TO POOR 1.4 KG BRAIN IN INSTALLMENT.




WOW IT WAS NEARLY DOUBLE MY WEIGHT.....



COPS MAKING AN EASY MONEY........ WAS BARGAINING FOR CASH....




SAME COPS TAR GETTING NEXT SCAPEGOAT


Hey people out there don't laugh at me for my busyness. In turn you may ask what the hell I was busy for? yup ! i was busy for collecting empty cartoons for packing my books. only one general store and the season of leaving hostel!!! imagine the importance of empty cartoons... its like searching diamond in the coal mines. you know its there but keep searching.I am not boasting my brain but very funnily speculated the general store in front of girls hostel must be keeping empty cartoons. There is no reasonable reason behind it but just my assumption that being few to leave hostel this time there must be adequate empty cartoons. Immediately got the many so as i could be proud of myself. Then comes the rope to tie the packed books and the packing tape. some how i could manage it and started packing around 8 pm and could finish it by 11 pm. I always consider myself that i was a slow learner. same goes here. i started arranging books in the order i was comfortable. but what my comfort can bring to me is just mere satisfaction but how to accommodate all books in the minimum space would be the policy. what i follow later doing lot of mistakes and destroying packing tapes and tying ropes. i hesitate to learn from mistake but i learn immediately from my mistake. its that easy i don't want to prove myself idiot, so i correct it in blink of time. Finally i took a deep breath and counted all seven(7) heavily packed cartoons. six consisting of books and one clothes. And finally the photo session as usual and again being proud of buying Nokia 72 though old it may be. ha ha ha . If possible i would attach myself in the movable camera to capture myself. how funny it would be to look at our own idiotic behaviors all day.

Next day i called the bus fellow and told there are 7 cartoons filled with books. he yelled and opened his mouth as if i can never make it close. RS 2000 to keep it in the bus, and no responsibility. They will not close it or pack it if the custom office opens to check it. They are not at all responsible for delivery, receive at your own risk. and many ifs and buts. And most memorable event was one cops came and said you need to pay 500 for sending it, else you open it and show it right now. ha ha ha.... how funny the cops was. he was demanding an open bribe from me for sending my own used and read books to Nepal. That too in the central Delhi. who nowhere is responsible to check. curiously i asked does he comes every day? bus fellow replies they earn more than us with no investment. I could understand the misuse of power by then. A click from far is here to enjoy how mad he was to collect money from every passenger for carrying some boxes, cartoons or laguage.


With much difficulty i could say at least i won the battle. Had i been carrying it in the flight i would have been captive myself. After a delay of 12 hours my books safely arrived to the bus stand in Kathmandu, where my brother was waiting as if i have send some jeweleries. In fact it was no less, but the irresponsible bus staff made him so worry he reached much earlier than the expected time. He called the very moment. yes got all 7. I again took deep breath, this is perhaps the last time at least for my generation. Don't know about who follows me from next generation seeing me pale, tired, exhausted, old, bald, and someone who lost everything in time when he needed the most.

Coffee, toffee and five rupee……..

I can not imagine a day without tea or coffee. I can stay without food but when it comes for tea or coffee I am very disciplined. The regular and cyclical order follows; it is a phenomenon in my body now. Three years back Nescafe used to charge five and four Rs per cup of coffee and tea respectively. Honestly speaking Nescafe tea seems to be synthetic and coffee seems flavored that’s all. Forget about the material and quality they are selling the trademark in water cheap price. However, for a gone case like me, whose routine neither starts nor ends in time, Nescafe has become the complimentary in odd hours to satisfy the tea carvings. My reflexes slack down and appears black in front of my eyes even a slight delay is not addressed properly.

The 20% hike in coffee and 25% hike in tea has made us conscious not for the money we pay but for the quality they are serving. When ever you ask for coffee they will say “give change” if you say sorry they will return whatever change they have like 1 rs 2 rs coin and some chocolates. So, with every cup of coffee you are bound to buy some toffee in Nescafe these days. What a joke you have to pay for their hopeless coffee and the same time useless toffee. They did same thing to me last night. A chocolate with one cup of tea.

Early morning I was sure I will do something very funny. Went to Nescafe and said “one cup of coffee please”. Just before I could finish, he said “give us a coin ’’. I said don’t worry. Immediately took out five Rs note and gave it to him. He said one Rs more. I took out the chocolate from my pocket and gave along with 5 Rs note. He was speechless and was looking at me as if I have slapped him. Took out the phone and clicked it. I could see him sweating from forehead at least. Clicking photograph had really made him conscious. I thought I succeeded though jokingly, but perfectly.

Ready...........

For the last few days, I am enjoying my days as if I am dying the next morning. However, the independence that I pamper will never repeat in my life I guess. I have just finished the DNB exam. I am not bothered about the result and by the time, the board publishes the result I would almost forget that I have appeared for it. One thing I am sure is DNB is tough than MD MS exam. May be it is my personal belief. It is possible because they pass the limited number of students. In addition, you should be very fortunate to clear the written and clinical exam at one go. Any way who knows the fate! Who we are to speculate our own fate?

Interestingly I am sleeping like a pig. I get up just before my body warns for the pressure sore to develop, just prior that I wake up and plan for what plan I have today. I am aimless and workless. Not robbed the job, rather wanted a break. Very funny thing of this week is I got a call for interview from Vadamalayan Hospital. They short listed the candidate from the CV posted in naukri.com and send the interview call. Since I was not interested with further India stay I left it. Do not know what they saw in my CV and they are ready to pay so much. Any way I am going back to my place. 10 years is too long to stay outside home.

Early morning I see my books and gets confused how to take them back. I don’t want to travel by train and I can not afford for the flight. I can barely afford the flight for myself but not for the books. Per kg they charge 100 plus and books are double my weight. What a joke? A poor 1.4 kg brain is tortured to read those many books that too a lifetime in installment. And the older it becomes the more it should bear. And we feel elated for knowing the facts out of the pages underlining with many possible color until they are readably visible, and that’s is the higher education and a crap written A4 sized post graduate degree.

Clothes as usual will not be a problem to take back. I know there are very few and amongst them, I wear the few. Rest I will call all the mess BUTRU and offer them. “First come first serve”. I still remember my best jacket that I gave to the mess boy in Ranchi, I really had an emotion attached with it. I know I made the every fibers cry after using it for 6 years. Thanks China for making such a durable jacket and making me feel happy for buying it.

So books are not he issue, clothes are not the issue then what left. Some of the gifts, mementos that my friends gave to me. Oh, these are the things I should really be worried for. I want them scratch less and will take every bit of it. So a handbag in the flight will serve the purpose. Oh! the sea of emotion is still left, my laptop. The cheapest in the market 3 years back never troubled me. There was not even a single moment I was disappointed with it. From thesis to e-books, songs to movies, internet to voice calls I utilized it more than anything, with no why what which, everything it memorized. It’s full now with books and slow. However, with the recent up gradation to its RAM it has shown it’s fullest. Thanks ACER for producing such a beautiful piece, which made my life easy even without going movies to the theater, going out and roaming aimlessly, surviving happily with thin wallet, cutting phone and SMS bills, and in fact with your presence I never felt that I need some one to talk in this so called lousy happening place. Thanks ACER for being so faithful.

The most of all is the certificates. Now I have too many originals certificates, right from school that does not exist in this earth now. Remember the college from where I did my plus 2 is at the verge of extinction. I am sure RIMS the then Rajendra Medical College and Hospital and AIIMS will not follow the same course. One way I consider myself very lucky that I went to both the medical schools in India which was a twin project from the grant of Newzeland Government. However, RIMS is facing some problem regarding MCI recognition every year. Similar is the problem in AIIMS the unnecessary hassle by the ministers and politicization here has forced to loose many of its senior faculty. Long live all my academic temples! Any way I will carry my certificates in laptop bag that is safe.

Finally I am worried about the new place I am going to join. I hope I will be somewhere in kathmandu. Tired of playing with my keyboards. Good night.

POGO the egg lover...

Recently I saw Tibetan Mastiff while I was on the way to IIMC. It reminds my dog back home. I was in a hurry else, I would have stopped the auto and looked at it or else clicked a picture of it. The interest towards any dog is my weakness. The proper look both on height and weight was the catchy feature of that mastiff. Mastiff by enlarge are ugly looking and reflects dirty nature, but when properly trained and groomed they are sober and friendly. Honesty is the prime concern. Unlike others they are not so lazy though they are slow learners. Phoochu is a similar type, Slow learner yet clever. I wonder why it could not gain height. May be we missed something in its care. Alternatively, another possibility may be he was not the true breed.

Evening time, I was going for tea. Meet POGO and it came to greet me. Always moving tail and ever ready to bite puts me in stress that someday I need to vaccinate myself. Any way it was expecting something from me. Looks healthy these days but must not be getting proper foods of its choice. POGO is very fond of eggs. Very funny and greedy dog of our campus. Some how I played for a while. But, today I noticed something unusual in its ear. It was not normal looking ear. Don’t know somehow looks like a cross breed of mastiff. Long slender and hairy at the end. May be I am biased seeing Mastiff, but its not at all normal. Next time I will see it in details.....

HOPELESSLY HELPLESS

...........AND IN NO TIME IT WAS EMPTY.....

I know i am very fond of TEA and COFFEE. What made me eager to ask for a cup of milk is really something unusual i could not understand. may be they say that a warm cup of milk weans off your tiredness. In fact i was tired, but not that i was dying. Adrenaline in my mind was still holding me upright. I took it and marched towards the park. A plastic cup that too papery thin, and just boiled milk in it. What else do you need to say that it's a torture to you. I was hurried towards the chair in the park so that i can save my cup, milk in it and most important my fingers from getting scalded. Here comes the climax of the event. I could see some milk being drained from the bottom of the cup. I was hopelessly helpless. I knew that i could not even take a ship of it and in no time i would loose entire milk. Then i asked myself what can i do? I was practically numb. I remembered the childhood incident when one of my friend pushed me into the water, considering i cannot learn swimming unless i get inside the water. I just pushed myself in GOD's hand. Didnt even thought of struggling, but once water gushed inside my mouth i started fighting to come out of it and i could happily do it. Same was the situation. I had no option of going to canteen and changing it in another cup cause i was too far and the speed at which it was being drained was a minute job to drain off completely. So i kept watching it and said every drop is written in destiny for whom it is. But with in seconds another brilliant idea sparked into my mind "if i can click it i can better enjoy it". And my cell phone really made me proud that even though its a second hand it served me here as the brand new. After a pause of another few seconds i could see the empty cup in my hand. I took a deep breath and praised myself for buying the slightly better cell with camera which in reality made it possible to enjoy the beauty of the event whenever and where ever I wish to..... NOKIA-72 JINDABAD.

Time to pay respect...

For every big mission the idea generates amongst few people initially but later the support will be such that it can shake the whole nation. "Give me blood, i will give you the nation". Very rightly said young blood can do whatever is not possible. Let's pray, may all soul rest in peace who ever died in Mumbai terror attack. May God give tremendous strength to all who lost their near and dear ones not to be panic. May god give the tears of pride for those who lost their brave commandos' of home and nation both. And please god give us the realization that this particular terror has come to an end but not the terrorist. AIIMS called everybody to pay their respect and tribute to all who lost their lives in such brutal attack. Long live everybody.


YOU GATHER SOME MORE WILL FOLLOW YOU.



YOU START HERE, THE IMAGE WILL BE REFLECTED SOMEWHERE TOO FAR ALSO.



NEVER FEEL YOU ARE LOST OR DEFEATED, KEEP WALKING.



YES, THEY HAVE FOLLOWED YOU, DON'T LOOK BACK, KEEP WELCOMING THE NEW ONES.

Words of wisdom.

Right words, Right timing, and right place will win everything. No matter how worse the situation is. Few lines in an old page in the corner of a notice board made me think very many things that i was knowing but was not able to realize. Hope the eye opener has done a tremendous job for me. They say even a wall has ear to listen, people its not always true lets consider it has beautiful throat to convey you the message, that you never paid an attention to it.

"Action speaks louder than the speech"