Sunday, December 09, 2007

Thesis done

My thesis is almost done. The weighty head nodes once in flexion and once in extension. This heavy head is my guide's head. Of course it was expected earlier. but this is the time one can show his importance and priorities, and he did the same. I dont give a damn if i am late even. But there was a subconsious pain in the ass.

My status will be changed in the so called grand round. Grand rounds is no less than a army march. Only difference is here you march to watch the people. But in army people watch your march. no problem.

Oldies to Goldies in an order of less kissd ass to more licked ass is the hierarchy of grand round. The front liner is the exam going. A place even patient feels odd of seeing the educational smoothering. The most remarkable comment was made by a patient. "yin chota doctor ko kuch nahi aata sala mey to inhe ZEBRA samajta tha sala TRACKSUIT pahana huwa donkey nikal gaye."

Some questions and some critics penetrates deep in the bottom of the heart. Forget the pericardiun, myocardium and endoarcium it even pierces the nucleus inside WBC in the chamber of heart. Don't even think of blood.

One bed after another the hierarchy explodes, anger fraustrations and their submissive rivaleries brust into lectures. When we were residents......., when we were junior consultants.....? Heck.. who has stopped you dumbos from doing and taking part in patient care. If you want to see, come and see, after all they are your patient too. But i dont like vomiting lectures..that too in the mid of corridors. Its almost showing a red flag to the bull. Its not just a train that stops on red flag. It may hold the flag and the flag holder too. nobody is safe in a game called "DO AND DIE".

There is a system called EXAM after few days in our theatre. I feel the department a multiplex. Any time some new releases are carried on. Dont need to wait for friday for a release. A biassed cortex of mine finds exams as a rape of owns newly married wife being conducted by a neighbour to test the virginity in terms of 50 percent. and there are lot may audiences(--- bhut) who feels elated on victim's pain. shit ! verginity is cent percent. dumbos ! its all or none, not the 50 percent. and mind it you never tests verginity for your daughter who is geting married and leaving home. your job finishes once she leaves you, provided she is brought up well in your guidence. What is the need of exam if some one is trained under you for three years. this is all drama you can imagine off. Are the americans fool for quiting this system of assesment?

Ultimately, I am the odd and single. Who will listen my whisper? let the system run as they wish.. But this is the time the system needs refurbished.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

back in track.

At the back of my mind there plays something, at the mid of my heart there drowns is full of uncertatnity.. apart from being tensed off and freustrated for hours and hours, there is nothing new this week.

slowly my worries are lessened. fraustration seems fading. no more palpitation, a deep breath and no bad dreams.

i am trying to kep my life back in track. studies should be my priorities now. will try to finish few publications. duty as usal is cool these days. no more trauma cases in aiims. its good one way for me..but think at their side who has just joined the department. whatever its not my businnes.

next month is the new year. dont have any resolution yet. but i need to cut down my amount and cups of tea per day. its a mater of concern to me even. lets hope i could do it.