Sunday, March 30, 2008

happy sunday

Every body is busy in AIIMS. Today is Sunday. My laundry is hi-tech. Carries N series nokia cell. “Hey man! Come and collect my clothes from room no-----” he says “sir there is nobody working today. Same will be the situation whole week”

Shit man! what I will do then. Everything is messed up in my room. Checked if something clean left to wear. Oh god! There are few. He gave me a brilliant idea. Sir if u can wash the clothes I will get it pressed but will take 2 days. Oh god I don’t have time to go out and give it to other laundry. Sad mind same mood. Washed few of the clothes any how. Though it is not the first time I am doing. But doing after a long gap. Thanks everyone who taught me to wash clothes and thanks to my laundry for giving me this opportunity of memorizing the past learned habit, a positive reinforcement.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


7:45 AM.

I am waiting for the breakfast. A Cup of tea in one hand and newspaper in other. Two more doctors arguing. One was asking for few pages from the bundle of paper. Another denying till he goes through all pages. Situation became violent. Both senior than me in the institute. I interrupted in between hey take the whole pages from me yarrr. I will read it in the evening once I come from work. After all it was ego tussle. Both fought (neurosurgeon vs ENT surgeon) and slapped each other. We tried to depart them and situation became normal. This is how my day started. The time one need to remember God, one acting as devil. Well educated and mature, and married but fighting like a kid of school going age.
What I concluded is “mismatch of frequency of ego.” The equal but mismatched ego drives you to the competition. Equal and matched ego brings success. Imagine unequal and mismatched ego. It invites fight. Argue leads nowhere and has no end. Fighting is to accept more challenges in continuity with hurt ego. No way it heals. If at all, heals with ugly scar. So why to fight? Many a times you are unaware, someone bites you back. But most of the time can be avoided if you consider your ego shrunken down before someone tries to stretch it. This is the way I try to manage ego confrontation anywhere. Life is very short to fight.

6:30 pm

As usual 10 hours standing in the operation theatre either actively or passively. Still my heel is burning. My theater slippers are not comfortable. I need to change it. On top of that I injured my little finger. I was stitching and pulled a thread hard, it transversely cut my little finger. It’s liberally deep. Double gloves in my hand still my hands are not protected. But this is not the first time I injured my hand. I am really worried with my soft skin. Injured many time while flipping pages of the books. Mostly pages from new books Cuts like a blade. I am so scared. Thanks God people have made skin stapler. It helps me. My boss was telling you should have opted plastic surgery. Delicate surgery delicate hands. Let it be I wanted to become a doctor with knife rather than a doctor with stethoscope. And here I am.

I need to start my books now. No more blogging. But After writing I feel released. Another way of puting adrenaline to my brain. but never in this wild earth I am a writer.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This week

events are signs of life..yes my heart still pumps in the small corner of this world called AIIMS. why i came to AIIMS? why i dropped the idea of becoming a physician from USA? or why i choose to become a orthopaedican? for me its as clear as crystal. reason is simple? i am not very vocal. i cannot argue. and i cannot make somebody understand if one pretends of not getting it. i was borne predated and cried late. i somehow escaped the hypoxic insults immediately after birth. thanks god..for making me what i am.. my learning curve is slow but once it goes inside my brain echoes longer. thanks god for making me such a prototype surgeon - slow learner.

these days i am talking over phone for couple of minutes to USA with those who share the same desk in school, same food among friends and YOU... thanks to a site which connects USA to rest 35 countries in an amount of local charges. keep calling..tring tring..

worth to mention was 3 consecutive holidays with minimum work load. nice time to be with books. nice job of a librarian done. almost 18 hours in library. still not tired mentally. but my eyes strain like anything. god no one should be an astigmatic myopic like me.. ask me what eyestrain or headache is?

happy to share two cases operated (total hip replacement) by me. almost Major steps and implant placement. nice experience it attracts me toward the field of joint replacement surgery. then started a leg pulling session by juniors and seniors. "history of orthopaedics in aiims, first to do independent replacement and what all" any way you all deserve a grand treat. promised.. any way it was the boss who blessed me and i could operate. yes during residency no one has done but nothing like no one can. dear all i am one amongst you given a chance you all can and better than me..

was constantly asking why i have changed my sleeping habit. its crazy.. started sleeping in installment. 4-7 am and 6-8 pm.. not able to find out what the benefit is. good news is less no of coffee cups these days: a big full stop to my black teeth,and bye to the artificial alertness too.

comparatively i was in peace. the main motive in my life. thanks dad, i bend my whole spine( though i have a defective bone and it hurts ; you know it) to touch your legs for infusing the motive of life and meditation in my blood, see it's red and fresh like yours...

there are lot things this week. what prevents me is my typing speed. i am a typewriter chap, hey YOU..had the courier been free i would have sent this laptop back to you. i still prefer desktop.

Friday, March 21, 2008

I am confused.. i am on the highway to hell....exam sucks...

another day ends. i was going through a blog and found similar expression. thought a similar victim of similar species callled a doctor. no regrets or objections for being a doctor. its by choice not by chance at all. i did a good job and left the piloting course immediately after i joined after 10th standard. a flying driver says my mom. but pilot has similar responsibility as far as life is concerned. a driver of a flying coffin suits better.

any way another day ends here in my life. nothing interesting. same routine as if "mullah ki daud masjid tak"

preparing for exam. there were hundreeds of exams in my life. i never was worried for exam as i am today. i desperately used to wait for exams in school days. reason-- there used to be long holidays and i could sleep well. sleeping is my hobby or weakess i still cannot figure it out. what ever ! its a reversible death i guess. be cool and keep breating..

few words more...studies should be my priorities as usual. ummm what rest i did in life apart from it?????? A million dollar question..

Monday, March 10, 2008

Days are over...

Days are over.... The full 10 days i was enjyoing my independence, did whatever i like, slept till there was a danger of bed sore, and studied once again as if i was preparing for post graduation entrance. Tomorrow onwards i will join my duty. What makes me sad is; again i have to be a super obedient machine at the receiving end. A duty, i would rather not like to do. privided, it was not giving me a MS degree. Since last three years i am working for whoever and whatever that i was not suppose to and... meant too. Bloody expliot me for another couple of months. I don,t mind. rather i won,t retaliate. Then comes a day to every dog and so on..

I know many things are going on the department. Many owly claws are beeing active to capture residents as they always fear we going out of their greedy claws. Guys were caught for not writing pages and pages of craps in the so called Patients File- The Ass Saving Messile for the oldies. I still dont understand by writing such crazy craps how they can save their inevitible explosion. Is not it their delusion? If they are headed to the court they can be striped any time. And it's not our duty to save their balls. We are ready to but the working environment and academic needs to be redefined.

What ever i am at the verge of saving my life once again. My residency ( rape-dency my own definition) is coming to an end provided they give me a big kick at the back and pass me.

Once again i will embark upon my white lapcoat and present in the rounds. Needs clean shaven and polished shoes. Which i hate both of the things. humm.. I am not a protype doctor of their definition. Few grand rounds (5 fridays and 5 tuesdays), equal radio conferences, few classes and clinics. Then comes my independence again. a lost one,,,, better robbed one. I know i am an obedient freak who thinks twice before crossing boundaries of law; either social or ethical, still it's difficult to be under constant threat of somebody's egostic regulations. Is not it a duties directed to egocentricity or responsibility curtailed to hiererchy? I think both. oldies failed to perform their duties.

An exhausted mind and body needs rest. Let's put a cross mark in the count down calender. one day less in geting rid from a medical jail called - residency...good night.