Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Cried a lot this year.....
was preparing for MS exam and everywhere i was giving my attendance as EG PG. Hey people not familiar with medical vocabulary find it as "Exam Going Post Grad". Meaning by, anyone can try their immense knowledge upon these poor creatures by firing question. And being single in the unit my installment was more comparing the the other two colleague in another unit. so was crying for all non sense questions. In fact how much we could read in active duty periods even before exams. So was crying:(:(:(
No way the situation was comfortable. so was continuously crying :(:(:(
you feel like crying when somebody doubts your intention, that was never meant the way it was perceived. Did not cried for it but felt sorry.
Month before exam and not yet prepared the way one expects will not leave your eyes dry. definitely wet. but no tears from the eyes, determination prevails.
The tears of happiness rolled down from eyes the day i could perform well in exam and the same day i was declared pass. The final result burst tears into my eyes. whole face was swollen. The happiness amongst family and friends made me cry though no body heard the sound.
Did and independent Lattismus Dosri flap in a tumor defect around neck and shoulder. The drain from the wound got dried with in few days but my eyes kept discharging for some more days. The reason why i could do it was the matter i was crying for. The faith upon me pour gallons of tears. Being a junior resident still in this month did an independent THR, which was no less than a miracle. tearless eyes but cried :(:(:(
Got a Degree but not the fellowship that i was interested in. Tried crying but before i could stop myself got the another job. Was not happy with that and left the first day. Almost resigned just before appointment. ha ha ha
Got the job happy but not up to mark. was satisfied for what i was learning out of my work but not happy for the way i was learning things in life. once again :(
Was stable in job and study. The most productive month i should say. But the mid and end was so devastating still crying. one day and many incidents. could not meed my senior from college whom i respect for her guidance, when she was in Delhi and even after proper plan to meet her. Canceled it considering important meeting sad people rather than happy people. sad self and could not meet the another sad just because sad makes you sad. God Knows voluntary, involuntary, conscious, subconscious. Matters for those whose innocence drive sensitivity. Any way it matters for those who knows what pain is.:(:(:(
Similar incidents, same days in calender but life tells this is not the way to life life. live king size as usual but was helpless so :(:(:(:(
Resigned job as it was not giving time for myself. But the resignation is not yet received and still getting salary. crying for bosses keeping such deadly faith upon me. DOnt know what i did so good for them. may be who knows in the earlier life i must have pleased them. crying crying crying reason don't know why?
Appeared exam at the worst possible situation ever in life. Though the DNB holds no meaning to me but tried it. But how the situation engulfed me GOD knows. writing for 6 hours for daily for two successive days without getting an hour sleep. Cried praying GOD for not helping me in worst situation. convinced very well that god sends somebody to help no matter it is the mdnight!!! But taught me how to handle life in worst situation.
whole lot of cry is dedicated to myslef and those who are responsible for it:(:(:(
life is not only about crying, smiled and laughed in the same year for achieving the most respected degree from AIIMS and knowing best creatures like CAT... thanks GOD for everything