Monday, May 12, 2008



When I joined MS, I had never thought of becoming exam going and getting ms degree. When I joined my work was to follow order in a manner they are told to me. No right no left; do what ever you are asked for. Early morning to midnight in hospital for continuous 7 months. This was the early residency year. Got a day off after 7 months and was puzzled what to do. I just came out of the room and watched the sun. Literally, I had not seen sun since the last7 months. I was so happy that I got a day off.

I was doing my job obediently. The reward for good job is more jobs. That’s what I was observing. This that, time limits, and do it by tomorrow such were the working orders.

With time I entered the second year loosing my 10 kg weight. I was already underweight when I came here. I don’t remember how many days I would enjoy all three meals a day? Still I entered in 2nd year. My orthopaedics knowledge was rusted by now. Whatever I had learnt and I knew I forgot in the ward duty of 1 year. I don’t want to remember those bad days of strike. Everybody went for strike. My boss said since you are from a different country you have nothing to do with strike and you have to work. Please show me where it is written and where is such rule for me? I said I don’t mind working. I returned early that day. I started getting calls from junior consultants stating that you must work for the ward and casualty too after ward works. I told if I ask for leave? DON’T YOU WANT TO PASS? This was the reply form one of my junior consultant. I know he has to work otherwise so he was putting a pressure on me. This hurt me so much; I can palpate the scar today even. The moment I see his face I feel laughing at him. Bloody I am not your slave. You can ask me to join duty out of request, not out of compulsion and threat. Bloody you are the employee of the government to handle the hospital. It’s not your private property. Your father and father-in-law have nothing to do with it. He only could let you join here. Who are you to say me, don’t you want to pass? I know if there is examination system for you too very few deserve to stay in AIIMS. I know your status and how you joined AIIMS. Whose political puppet you are and where is your remote? So don’t ever threat me. I didn’t answer you back because I didn’t want any controversy at that time and waited for smooth, peaceful life during residency. So out of love and request you can exploit me till I die but if your intentions are either I am in a good position to make you naked. I have nothing personal to you still but what I wanted is there is something wrong inside you what I call is a power privileged egocentric attitude. Come out of it you are a good human dedicated for the needy and ever ready. But just don’t pump your ego and harass me or any one under you.

Gradually I enter in the final of 2nd year. I knew less orthopaedics, more politics, less surgery, tricks to cheat work and being credited for what you have not done too as my senior resident used to do. But my heart which caters honesty didn’t allow me that. So I was unchanged even after that.

Slowly I was about to write theis. I gave my full effort for my thesis. But unfortunately it was 15 days late to correct the few craps. Too many cooks spoil the food. Same thing happened when few unconcerned consultant came forward for its correction. The final correction was,.; p value, noun to pronoun and active to passive voice, few’ the’ were added and few erased. After thesis submission I was serious for my studies. I started going to library in any free time whether minutes or hours. Room for me was to keep books, change clothes, take bath, and sleep for few hours. December onward I read the real orthopaedics. There were occasions I was extremely frustrated, exhausted, and what not? Exam going PG and morning grand round. Don’t want to remember those panicky hours. Educational smothering, academic asphyxia, frequent anger outburst from consultants and teaching rounds, shit how can I forget. I don’t have spy camera else the world should know what is going inside medical institution and how people are behaving their fellow colleague.

So much to study, less time, duty , OT, OPD, and improper and harassing system of examination and my boss at the far end and my MS degree at the opposite end. I was perplexed how I will finish and get MS degree. I was just doing my job waiting for the exam to come and finish it. I was prepared for any untoward results. But had it been such, it would have thrown me the next shore of river. Waiting for six months and go through the same phase of examination. Ohhh I cannot imagine. Our exam is subjected to find what one does not know rather than what one knows? And practical is directed to make you feel you know nothing and you are being given a degree.

Any way I am through all the system, don’t know how much I know orthopaedics, but passed through the phase of residency, passed through the gate of my boss’s boasted ego and results are sealed in the examination cell to award me the MS degree.

(Dedicated to all who taught me orthoapedics, especially to my patients who gave me am immense opportunity to read and operate upon them. For me the real books are my patients, the ward and operation theater)

No comments: