Saturday, October 27, 2007


At the mid of this crazy night I am writing something . I cannot sleep. Nor can I read. Try to remember my whole day. Starts from 7:30 am . wake up with burning eyes (cause I had just slept few hours back) tooth brush in one hand and soap case in another. Its just an example of saving precious time in fucking residency. Keep brushing while in the shitttt- room. Then next move is to the bathroom. A french bath and immediate ready to ward with a soothing white lapcoat, Which means a burden to me and a respect to my patients……Who come all the way from united state of bihar, jharkhand and uttar pradesh.

At 8 starts a so called round. For what the round is? The purpose of this round is still unclear to me. I have to accept at this point I have little brain. Some walking live ego on white lapcoat, the grey haired clean shaven so called consultants comes like an army march and flies like hurricane. This is what a round is. one of our patient used to tell me when I had just joined residency. Where ever the center of hurricane is but the destruction points are mostly residents or patients and sometimes interestingly the attendants. Once it is 9 I feel disheartened, disorganised, a victim of intellectual rape who can never complain of being raped for a mere degree. Try to balance my self and stitch the rents in the slefrespect what were created during round . An open threat of not knowing the basic of medical sciencs, not doing the works properly as if it sounds we have done wrong to patients and be ready to fail in the exam. Sometimes I feel medical centers are becoming a milti-storied academic brothels. This is how my day starts loosing confidence and self respect. Whom to complain I don’t know. There is nobody in this world except my pen which sometimes hesitate and ask ….hey dactorree? why don’t you fuck this fucking residency and get back to your previous life. 10 years back and now my pen has noticed a change in my life.

It sucks when I remember the OPD . same old people who come for any tom dick and harry problem to AIIMS. Mostly bihari baba and chachi and starts with “ dactar sab kamar ses dard chalu hoata hey aur gardan tak jata hai . marod marod kar pau tak . tis marta hai” I feel crazy to listen this. Write a history saving my ass and send for the x-ray. I have to be very concious in writing history cause next time who ever see this patient they will pick up the mistake as if he has diagnosed the disease and call you and scold - is this the way to write history and gives u a blank look ? as if he was a born intelligent.

Somehow I manage to finish OPD and prepare for special clinics, another way of harassing people of similar problem. Hand clinic scoliosis clinic ctev clinic. I never understand for what these clinics are opened. Lets say one visit on Monday with ctev . they are called on Friday and cast is given . bastard why he has to wait for 5 more days to get the same cast which can be given on Monday. Why cant we give it on Monday and let him follow up in Friday next time onwards. Why hand cases are made waited till Thursday and send for xrays and again called Thursday. Unnecessarily we are wasting their time rather than treating . we are harassing them I should say. Are these clinics for somebody’s existence or hierchercy to maintian ?

Then comes the case workup in the ward for admitted patients. By the time part of me is tired and part of me is dragging me to room for some rest. Oh sucks I am second on call today. Imagine I came around 5 pm in the room and I have to go at to the casualty at night waste their a minimum of 5 hours . No sleep nothing and come back by 5 /6 am . Now difficult to decide whether to sleep or be ready to go to operation theatre which starts at 8 am. Part of me cries for joining residency in AIIMS. I am never happy since I came here. Cause I could not mould myself for this environment but I have left nothing to do from my part. Otherwise part of me which caters honesty cires with pain. God this is the horrible duty. Sucks me….somtimes I wish I were a farmer like my grand parents . I never saw them such frustrated.

While I was coming from casualty I saw a dog busy with his masters for the morning walk. Thought how lucky the dog is . At least gets time for morning walk. He sleeps better than me and of course gets food in time, does little duty than me. We both are honest . in spite, he is perfect at honesty but mine is doubted many time. But difference is dog has personal life once his masters goes office but I don’t have. Dog gets holiday me not. Even he is scolded he bothers not but I need to..and more a way no body can fail him but my boss threats me. But there is similarity between us. Both of us stand begged in front of our masters. But nothing happens to dog if he does not want to but my boss can give me a starry look and say let your exam come. Dog can bark both his masters and rest but I cannot . I am feared to fail and only my master barks at me. This way dog can take revenge to master but not me . guess whose life is better . A DOG OR A DOGTOREEE.

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