SLAVERY SUCKS .

I am going to finish my 2 ND year residency. next year i will be appearing for the exam. it really sucks me remembering the system of examination. concerned to find out what we don't know rather than what we know. A multipurpose worker is a resident in medical institution in Asia. get any sort of bloody shit work, utilise at the max, exploit till the end, rag at the most, and the harass till shamingly bluish. cant forget even if try to forget. regret sometimes being a medical student. everybody has the potential to excel. god knows the future .

till this month i was working in the department like a manual labourer. used to follow what they say. being serious for duty and work . reward is more work. more work less time to study, if get time to study there are various problems in this age. life is not like a machine finish work come to room and start studying. cant imagine how people can scold- you don't know this much. this is basic don't know this simple? this makes me feel low.

i can accept critics but not criticism and allegation cause we are not the criminal. lets maintain the dignity of profession. fail me if i don't know what you think is basic. all basic for you is not basic for other and out of all basic all cannot be memorised. this medical science is vast there is no limit of knowledge and limit of basic is unlimited. bloody one hour exam cannot access anybody. there is fault in your system. in a teaching institute like this if performance of all residents is low its your responsibility, you are failed not us.

but i need to think again. no more work now. save time and involve in reading. hope till exam i can answer few of the basics.

music and me

i am poor. doing residency for free. i dont have creative music system nor have i bose sound system. i have a local radio costing arround 200 rs. i dont have music collection nor have i bunch of cd or mp3s. but my radio turns on once i am inside room.

currently listening a song in radio titled oh ajnabi . i really love this song. carries no meaning to my life, doesnot resembles to my life. still i love it. its melodious. more so when i am in operation theatre and our small music system in operation theatre plays this songs. i cannot describe the situation. this song is so popular in FM channel. whenever FM channels are searched in our theatre music system there it comes. i feel refreshed after this song even tough i am standing for hours and hours. i feel more energetic . i dont care even if i am late to have lunch.

Part of the reason why I want to be a surgeon: you get to listen to music while you work. This is also why I love to go to our main operation theatre where spine surgeires are going on. few of our consultants love music in theatre. some surgeon doesnot like music while operating. i have noticed myself humming many times while assisting in surgeries. i guess i was influenced from my undergrad teachers who used to sing while operating. though this is not the healthy practice one can definitely listen song and proceed with surgeries.

oh god! tomorrow we dont have theatre. because of vacation we are off from one theatre per week. i dont mind listening my small radio. only problem is i have to wait till my favourite song comes.

residency vs slavery

what a f--king residency!

I’m writing a blank I suppose. just a situation compelled me to write like this . In these instances, I have learned, the optimal solution is to write something which just feels you to write. . Looking back I realize it’s kind of immature, but, right the way it goes in most south asian region.

Tomorrow, 8 am sharp, I embark on a new journey. I will be one of the poor face of the team. This team will encompase one house surgeon( PATTI and X-rays doctor) , one ward incharge (that is 6 months senior ), two surgery residents (mostly same batch who came in rotation), 3 junior residents but senior by years or two. 4 senior residents ( neither working properly nor taking responsibility BICHWALA) and 6 consultants ( A WALkING LIVE EGO COVERED IN SHINING LAPCOAT.)


To serve the readership yet unfamiliar with the medical hierarchy that governs today’s fine medical establishments I will now take the time to explain this stepladder of ass-slurpers. The understanding of this is essential for our future relationship and so if you have any questions feel free to ask.I will comprise the list to range from least kissed ass to practically dripping. Remember, each member of the team has a primary goal, a secondary goal (if applicable), friends and enemies. It is long; I am sorry for this, but essential for the upcoming month. Let us begin:


HOUSE SERGEON (1st yr resident)
Junior most and newly joined in the department. Came with high hope of being an educated and qualified doctor. Must have sacrificied better oppurtunities and few must have compromised the departments they like most. Loaded with steth, gloves, micropore, surgical blades and so on any time even if has to go to toilet. Literally spending most of time in the department. Comes early in the morning and leaves late in the mid night. A contineous machine with no smile in the face with regular features of skipping fuels – meals. Still active. Has potential spikes of quiting degree and run away from ass sloughing brothel. Few really can make it happen. Half of the time running from nooks to corner for no reason ( delevering sample to lab if late or ordely has just left your sample because you are late by minutes, collecting their reports, collecting cultute and histopath reports cause by the time they come at their own (government orderly brings) it will be too late for the patient and consultant will eat half of your brain. Even if it is not prepared consultant will think you are telling a lie. The main hurdle of this young guy is getting a portable xrays, CT scan , MRI and other tests ( most of which very few knows where it is done inside or outside the college. Getting a early date is most difficult task for him more than it is getting it’s report and more than that really a victory is getting a film of CT, MRI. Fuck! patient pays for these investigation and they don’t hand over film to the patients and this poor guy has to run to issue the film. Find the senior resident in radiology in duty that day. Plee in front of him, he will talk big as if he is the consultant. Approach the radiology consultant he will scold you first, shower his anger and fraustrations upon you and finally after wasting 2 – 3 hours films comes in hand. Poor he goes for breakfas then. But its almost lunch time. Poor he never has time to read what is written in the report or how many film are inside. Its non of his business. Everyone ask why not these ? why not those? Gets puzzeled whom to listen and whom not. But nobody even dares to ask did u have lunch? Did u slept well last night, or are you getting time to study. Is everything fine in your home? Or you want a short break and say hello to your old parents.

Primary goal:
To impress patients and realtives by providing a PANI and PATTI and DABAI. Apart form them he has to impress his ward incharge as well as consultant. Comes in round with details of patients and a detailed X-rays and iamging perfectly arranged in orders carrying all the way in round (nearly 20 kgs holding for 2 hours). X-rays says the consultant and there it is. Take it out latest to late in orders if not he will be strangulated with words.

Secoary goal:
To become a ward incharge or ward head differs department wise. Best friend is ward incharge. Can share feelings when both are scolded like a street dogs in frot of patients, attendents, or openly in the lobbey, in any case someone dies in ward or they are late or a feeling of smooth running of ward is questioned. Interestingly enough, they are each other’s enemy as they are always being judged comparatively to each other. This undercurrent of hate is masked very well and only a thorough Freudian understanding of the subconscious can uncover it. Has a single target of discharging of patients in medicine/ pediatrics and PAC clearence in surgical departments. For whole six months they stands nowhere in the department. They are just like a contineously workign machine at spinal level- not to decide at their own.


WARD INCHARGE/WARD HEAD

Sounds like big but generously small. Just promoted form house sergeon. Projected to be a big face for patient. Sounds really good if consultants tell patient to talk to ward incharge and run aside from his responsibility of talking to patient. For me ward incharge is like a boil at the bottom of scrotum of a newly married young male. Doesnot take part in action ? Because house surgeon takes care of rest of thing and still can not enjoy? Due to constant pain. Though he has oppurtunity?
A middle man between commandents and field worker. Certainly has to work like field worker in few places where house surgeon fails to prove his efficiency. Mostly collecting CT/MRI films, sending few academically acclaimed investigation to satisfy intellectual masturbation of consluntants. Fully loaded with newer gizmoos like cell phone/pagers. A walking encyclopedia of patients . answers phone every 5- 10 minutes starts with YES SIR, I WIL DO IT SIR, YES SIR , FIT SIR, AND A PAUSE IN BETWEEN MEANING BY HE IS GETTING A HARSH SCOLDING. A MEDIUM TONE SORRY FOLLOWED BY CAN I DISCHARGE THAT A. B . C SIR? Synonyme of this half grown resident is discharge doctor, incharge with no power exactly like our prime minister manmohan singh. Less patient means less work is his principle.
His enemies are senior resident off course house surgeon and at most the sick/old patients. very well known as LIAR. Every body complains that ward incharge tells a lie . he is spyed many times by senior resident, house surgeons, and sometimes by ward sisters for bosses. Finally a man responsible for iatrogenic anaemia of sick/ old patients. god knows how much blood he has to suck to keep them alive otherwise he has to sacrifice his ass.
Primary goal:
Make patient feel happy- medicine
Make patient fit for surgey- surgical branch
Make house surgeon feel happy-an obedient prostitute
Aggressively discharge patient
Oh god one more sick patient – donno when he will be fucked for his death in mortality meetings

Secondary goal:
Avoid multiple rounds – every consultant catches for their admitted patients. waste half of his time in roaming for rounds.
Save my own ass- ready to blam upon anyone except house surgeon.
Try to remember patients investigations details- nonsense
Try to smile even with fully torne ass during rounds.
To leave from ward early- but not possible

JUNIOR RESIDENTS:

Poor people at the most receiving end. Impression of hopeless, work cheater, and knows nothing. Any one can come and shine his anger upon these young doctors. Mostly are victimised by senior residents. Burdened with senior residents work( cause they will exploite these residents for getting their work) easy way is to tell boss wants you to do this, which boss must have infact told him to do. Now he has no option neither he can go and ask boss nor he can deny it. A common victim by senior residnts and consultants to satisfy their intelluctual orgasm. They have tendency to ask what they have read previous night whether related or not to subject matter. Starts scolding “ don’t you know this little thing?” Won’t tell the answer and tell GO AND READ !
Bastards ! there are crores of basic things in medical sciences and all can not be recalled at once. What your brain register may not register by others brain. And do u really know all the basics in life? If yes, you would not have barked like a street dog even after being a doctor. And main thing is you were at the same herd few months back. Feel your ass its still licking. And don’t consider yourself to be an inborn intelligent. We even know your detail. We don’t reply doesnot mean we cannot. Junior resident in surgical fields literally gets fucked by these pseudo consultants ( senior residents). Inspite of being a teacing institute you are not interested in teacing juniors. Nobody ask you what you have finished, what procedure you have finished, what left? What I need to help you.

Primary goal:
To impress thesis guide- exam is ahead
Not to fail
To become SR- who don’t want to let their ass heal.

Secondary goal:
Keep juniors happy-motivated and feels that juniors are at their side
To learn from seniors residents – possibly from same state/casts and offcourse who doesn’t scolds u much. All are not the same. These are few good in this earth.


SENIOR RESIDENTS:

Few of the white elephants which medical colleges pay for. These are parasites for institutions who has association with juniors for survival and consultants for working. Never ready to take responsibility. Always sift their work to junior residents. Best known as spy and working obediently for consultants sometimes. So never trusted by junior residents. Ready to entertain intellectual orgasm by asking few questions and not answering them. Always trying to run away from department and works.

Primary goal:
Work less and get more.
Dreams of becoming consultants.

Secondary goal:
Focussed for publication
Operates – surgial fields
Procedures –medicine departments.

INTERN:

Young energetic new doctors who are concerned more on attendance and run away. Come for face presentation in the department and shines away. Still not decided what t do later. The residency what they see from close is definitely distracting or enculcating a feeling of hate of doing residency in India. Still in transition whether to go abroad or accept slavery here itself. Those who are welloff think of kicking this fucking residency. If you have to become a slave why not to become a slave of polite/ cultured master with reward for what you do.
Primary goal:
To arrange money for abroad exams
To finish target based preparation if it is mcqs.
To release the fraustration of undergraduate life- enjoy sometimes.

Secondary goal:
Learn basic procedure in no time . L
Leave the ward in a lightenign speed.


ATTENDING DOCTOR/COSULTANT ON CALL:

Primary goal:

Come for 2 hours in morning, gives instruction, and leave as fast as possible, keep name out of chart so no one knows who to sue later. Busy for private practise outide – unethically and don’t hesitates to teach moral science to his residents. All. Enemy: Remain completely oblivious to the ass smooching going on around you. Wipe ass off after morning round.

CHIEF/CONSULTANTS:

Well educated and grey hair reflecting vast experience. Still with cranium full of ego. A government employee whom government trusts after their retirement they will produce equally competent successors so that health system runs smoothly. But what these grey haired thinks that they will never die and hospital is their private property. Mind it moron its your working place and our teaching institution. So you are paid for treating patients and producing a well manared competent doctor. Mind it when you are dying even you need a medical attention. One has to leave this earth. No one is immortal here what remains is your good deeds.

Secondary goal:

Try to remain seemingly very humble, once in a while outbursts with his anger and scolds everyone ( esp residents) either in wards, infront of patients in between the rounds, but never in rooms. which makes every patients/ attenders feel like resident knows absolutely nothing/ should give up his medical license and go back to medical school. This reflects the fraustration of either getting pressurised from ministers/leadres, going cold relations with wife, or poor performance from kids in school or a feeling of guilt of proffesional unsuccess.

This is the system within which we all operate and we are doing residency.

digital camera.

i feel like laughing at myself sotimes. people smile upon their mistakes but i feel like alughing . since long i am planning to buy a digital camera . situation compelled me to buy one camera. sometimes interesting cases come across your table and u will be helpless. next time they never come to you.

if this can be captured it will always help a lot. problem in getting a digital camera is i dont know the exact place from where i should buy. next i donno much about this delhi. and if i get my frens help that time i may not be having money in my hand. i need to think twice before investing for it.

i hope i will buy anyhow next month. hope everything goes fine and smoothly .

ME.

The memory lingers. It was a wind-swept day in the Himalayan kingdom, a blind alley of Jorpati–2 Nayabasti, The sun played hide and seek with the clouds.... and a child burst into tears; a ray of hope for the parents and a jubliant moment for the relatives, began his journey. A journey as distant as horizon, a journey of life. Yes! it was 5th august.

I was admitted to a nearby school, Amar Adarsha Madhayamik Vidyalaya-Baneshwor, the school of life where I studied the books of nature for 10 years.

To overflow with ideas , to put up the good fight; a fight of hand and mouth-a fight of survival. It needed a higher education.

Mind was not constant, as inconstant as moon. Finally I joined Viswaniketan Science college-Tripureswor, taking biology as my major. Dissection of formalin killed frogs and slippery earthworms made me “Pseudo-Doctor” . But my goal was as far as the two poles, difficult not easy like ABC….. .but not impossible.

They say success is sweet but its secret is sweat .It was the year 1998 sweet turned into tears, the tears of happiness rolled from my eyes and trickled into my mouth. Wow! it was sweet like honey. The year 2004 awarded me the degree of medical graduate.I become a Doctor(one of the happiest moment in my life.)

The year 2005 gifted me a mind boggling success. I joined residency in All India Institue of Medical Sciences, a dream destination of every medical student for residency.

For me living and loving oneself is the beginning of life long romance. Sleeping is my hobby. A great support system "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY" is the flash of inspiration in my life.

Friends should be as alike as two peas. Friendship as clear as crystal mean the world to me.

what is success.

je payo tye......

Ghadi ko tik tik sangai jindagi daudidai cha. Sayed jindagi chito cha hola yo thau ma. Bharat basai ko arko auta barsa palteko cha bhite patro ma. Tha chaina aru kati patro haru paltichan haola. Yo saichik muglan basai kaile sakine ho. Yad aucha tyo kheleko thau, padheko school, ghar najikai ko bahuupayogi sarbajanik chaur - manlage khela haina gham tapa, ya gaf saf. Padhera wa napadherai America paseka sahapathi haru, Ameriki dutabas le dhoka diyera London pugekaharu wa Australia pugeka sathi haru sabai akha agadi nachiraheka chan. Afulai ABCD padhaune haru dekhi liyera ISC ma man lagi wa nalgai padhaune haru sabai samjhanako manaspatal ma eke k gardai par hudai chan.

Sanoma dasaiko tika lagauda hajur baa ma le asirbad deko yad aucha nati doctor bhayes. Sayed unlai tha bhayeko bhaye yo asirbad nadinne the holan ki! Yo kasta maya jindagi man nalagi pani aru harukolagi garnu parne. Sayed birami lai fayeda nahos tara tauke harulai fayeda hune bhaye bhayo.

Yestai yestai kura sochdai sabailai samjhi raheko bela baschu computer cholera. Yo internet bhanne ajuba. Kotha ma basi basi email lekhne re aru le hawa ma padhne re, aba ta chat garne re tyo pani voice chat re , sabai sarkari samyantra lai hawa khuwaune jal ho jasto lagcha malai ta kaile kahi. Tyo hulaki dai, tyo sundhara ko dur sanchar ko office sabaile santiko sas ferne bhaye aba.

Feri risko ranka fanana ghumcha dimag ma, kan rato bhayera aucha, hat kamera aucha, khutta bistari tato bahyera aucha . man mani gali dinchu yo internet wala lai . aja 8 din bhayo complain gareko internet log in huna chodeko. Harek mahina bill lina tuplukka aucha moro. Kam chai hat lage sunnya. Net thappa bhayera 8 din dekhi kehi kam adhuro pareko chan. Ajha yo net nabhayeko bela ta dimag ma pani naya naya upayeharu ek pachi arko gari hod lagera audai chan. Manau ek arko bhanda ke kam cha ra?

Sathi haruka sancho bisancho haru Microsoft ko chip ma nai bisram gardai chan hola. Kunai journal ka article haru hawa ma nai ghumdai chan hola. Jasko khoji malai bhanda pani mera tauke haru lai cha. Nepal news.com le nikai naya khabar chapisakyo hola, kahi madise le mare ta katai pahadile hare, sabaika mukti ka lagi aru pani nikai mukti morcha haru khule holan. Sano Nepal lai aru bibhhajan garne harule nikai sadyantra haru gare holan. Raja le pani afna sunda musunda haru lai chalaye haolan jasari buddichal ma pyala haru lai tauka ma samati sarincha. Bhatijole 11 class sakeo khabar atur bhayera lekheko hola tyo pani katai thak lagera baseko hola. Ani surendra le aru pani nikai khabar haru padhyo hola tyo bbc.co.uk ma je bhayepani mero internet le dokha deko ho yo pura hapta . jasko lagi ma bicharadhin chu. Ranakka dimag ma aayo auta naya bichar. Kina arko internet wala lai na samaune. Tara tyo sify pani ke kam cha ra ek ek din garera mahina ma 7 din tyesle pani gachha dincha .jun jogi aayepani kan chireka ta hun ni.

Aba bholi chuti ko din basera bahye pani internet thik garne plan cha herau ke hucnha.
Nikai din dkehi yo samasya nabhaeyra achanak internet gayeb huda hat nai bhachiyeko jasto lagdo rahecha. Kata kata tarkari ma nun kam bhaye jasto.

Kasaika jaruri chitti haru hawa ma ghumdai gareka bhaye mafi chahanchu.

viral infection.

For me virus is rabies, rubella bird flu and so on. Virus which infects human are my concern. I was not bothered with computer virus. I was happy when I bought my laptop last year. Laptop was my dream since my childhood. I was impressed looking at my teacher working in a laptop which was no less than a today’s trendy desktop. Still for me it was laptop. I thought I will buy it after joining specialization course. I started collecting money for it. I was so crazy about it i turned into a spendthrift to have it. Ultimately I joined orthopaedics in 2005. The passion in undergraduates turned into necessity by then. I was happy when I installed an original version of Norton 2006 few months back. This gave me an immense satisfaction. I thought one day even we will conquer over most medical viruses like Norton.

There are still some threat viruses in our science. HIV, hepatitis B,C and so on. Having heard of same in computer I was ready to spend a good amount of money for Norton original version. But it all went to vain when I was downloading an article from what I used to call a safe site. Then started my virus chasing mission. I was devoted like I was preparing for an university exam. I was dedicated more than in my MBBS final. I wasted 3 half days for it. Around 12 hours I used to be in the department and half I used to be with my computer. Even in the department I was worried how to chase that virus from the laptop. I was not working full hatred in the department. I slept for total 8 hours in last three days. This reflects my dedication towards the virus mission.

I was not worried about how to remove it but my worry was how to get some missing file back. One of them was my thesis work. And some photograph that I clicked of my patients. Some were rare once in a blue moon you will get to see these patients. I was desperately waiting for one of my patient’s call. Otherwise he used to call me every week or so. But this time he was not calling me. He was a software engg from IIT Delhi. He had a fracture in metacarpal and was under my treatment. But this time when I was drowning there was no hope to catch even a bunch of grass.

I borrowed an external hard disk and saved all my data. Then I was playing confidently with virus. I knew the virus from the security alert. I noted all the spy ware and the popup that were giving the constant threat. Along with spy ware there were some other viruses which attacked upon my documents. I started reading about many viruses and how to uninstall it. Ultimately what I did was I uninstall my Norton and downloaded the free version of AVG and its anti spy ware. But it was not sufficient to remove the popup threat. Some of the threats were constantly hitting my computer. They used to open other links most of them were ads or porn sites. Then a brilliant idea came into my small brain. I installed mozilla firefox and uninstall internet explorer but it was of no use. Then I was focused to remove spy ware. I started searching an efficient anti spy ware. All of a sudden I got Ad Aware SE personal version free to download. I got it and scanned whole computer it solved my worry. There were no more threats later. Still my brain was not constant I was worried about my missing file. I started searching about data recovery software. I got it from my friend and it helped me a lot. Finally I got my data. Virus free laptop but I lost my Norton for which I had paid a lot. No problem I have original software I can install it any time.

This event reminds me my character once again. I was in first year of my MBBS. There was one graph in the physiology book. I was not clear about it. I was in the same page for next 10 days. I studied many books in the library. Still my doubt was persisting. I asked my teacher which he could not satisfy me. I was attending my classes but my brain was constantly in the same graph. Even I was having food my brain was asking hey man did u understand that graph. Ultimately on the 10 day I understood what happens in the graph. So was my character. This is my weakness I should say. I should not waste time. Still I cannot control myself. It happens spontaneously I keep on watching the same problem and finally comes the solution inside me. This sometimes helps me exploring the ideas. But it’s a waste of time too. Virus is virus whenever and wherever it infects it will cause damage.

doctor you were great.

11:30 pm i was about to sleep. Had dinner few minutes back. Imagine you have full meal and feeling sleepy. How nice it would be when you get into your bed then. All of a sudden got a phone call REACH OPERATION THEATRE. My Prof at next end -a dead body is coming for bone bank. I am mobilizing all the guys please receive the body and get a consent from relatives before we reach there. Oh god whole night is gone. Again next day we had a routine works.

Reached the theatre nobody was there. Later i came to know that there was a confusion regarding organ donation. HE (who died) had already donated his eyes to one trust and that hospital, where he died, tried to reach that trust but they were too late to inform. Till then they were waiting for cornea retrieval. By the time everything was ok it was too late to retrieve cornea. God vision for two more patient is lost which could have been achieved very successfully.
Then his relatives tried to donate his other organs. Since it was to late other organ donation was impossible. As he died with MI few options were left too. Here i felt a delay of minutes may be too expensive. This was what happened with that case.
So only left was bone. Young patient a doctor by profession died of MI who was willing for organ donation and something went wrong in between and we missed organ retrieval. Its too much i thought.

I finished every formalities. Got a consent from his brother. Informed regarding the procedure and bone what we are going to take out. In mean time our team was mobilized. With proper techniques we could retrieve all long bones of lower limbs and a half pelvic bone of right side. The left side was already retrieved from a last donor. It was treated properly and kept inside a bone bank. By the time we were finished it was 6:30 am.

I thought doc you were great whole life till 30 you struggled to became a doctor. Then you struggled for someone else to make them feel better. And at young age 45 you left with organ that can be of use for the needy . Really doc i salute you from the bottom of my heart.

There are only 2 bone banks in India in my knowledge till now. One is in my institute. Doc thanks for your humanity.

I remember i had donated my both eyes for Til Ganga eye hospital in 1994. 12 years back when i was in class 10. That time i was only aware of eye donation. After being a doctor i came to know that many things can be donated. Thanks doc you have showed us a path. Why not we people start thinking about multiple organ donation which otherwise would be destroyed with life.

Came to my room at 7 am . slept for 1 hour. Reached hospital again for OPD. OPD is finished now. Can’t resist further. I need to sleep now.

life ka fanda.

its been complete 8 years since i came to india. i left home in early 1998. except some government hoidays and breaks i am constalntly in india. for me hindi has become a step mother tongue (not a mother tongue so ..) i start speaking in hindi whenever i met nepalese juniors in aiims too. then i control myself and come back to my mother tongue. this is sometimes awkward. my brain registers hindi language as an usual language. though i was not fond of hindi movies during school life. my hindi exposure started with my college life in india. as far as i remember i spoke in hindi after coming to india only with some exception with "chana chatpati and tarkari bechne bhaiyas" in nepal.
i feel i can speak good hindi. better than our leader who in spite of weak hindi still try to communicate in hindi with hindi medias. hey man why dont you try to speak english or even in nepali. if u cannot reply in hindi/ english why dont you try nepali. its very funny to see nepalese leader speaking in hindi with hindi medias.

it all started with a email from dr niki. dr niki forwarded me a mail. which was as follows.



Life Ka Funda : : : : : :
Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_________________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
______________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye






it was hard core hindi and i could read and understand well. later i noticed oh it was in hindi. it proves if u repeat same thing for long brain will register it as usual events. it holds true. after all its a positive reinforcement shown by brain .

oh its too late. have to go early morning.

interesting story.

this is the era of email. post office should be preserved to show our grand kids. they may give a strange look to post man. post man soon will become a character in baby comics or cartoon. still email seems to be an effective means of communication. thanks to bhatia and company for this hotmail.com. got a mail in my hotmail today, which used to be empty always. i dont know who has send it but it was interesting . this is how it goes.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to
force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making
any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it
could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors
and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then
emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at
any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the
body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the
butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body
and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that
the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get
through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body
of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight
once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God
allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple
us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never
fly!

phone call..

so tired and slept with shoes on. missed few important phone calls. the last one was special. it was no other than my great FUFU whom i call didi. me and fufu left kathmandu same time.fufaju got Phd admisiion in german and i got mbbs same year . since then none of us were together.

i wonder they have kids too. one can hardly communicate in nepali other in german only. hey what is this. should train properly you kids this used to be my ever complain to her. still both are busy may be the cause. i can understand fufuaju is not well these days so they have calcelled their plan to return. job problem and education to kids could be another reason they don want to be in kathmandu. but fufaju mind it we both are from simple school in kathmandu a government like school. we did so why not they.

finally we came to the conclusion that they will come next year ;early 2008. as usual she gave me another option of gettting married whom they know. beautiful, educated ......so on . i was smiling this time. but not a green signal.

wish if you were with me you would have seen my condition. no time to have food in time how can i think of getting merried .no ..not in the wildest dream even.

its 4 am and not yet slept. have to go at 7 am. lets sleep for hours . but didi i will keep my promise lets be back to our country and we will think about it. bye god night.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 07.

Though i added few missing pages in my blog they all were from last months. they were waiting their turn. finally a laziness inside me died and few got chance to survive other wise i would have lost them too. this is the first official blog of this new year i should say. finally its new year 2007. it's complete 8 years sincei left home for heigher studies. don know when i will finish. people resolve for new year but for me is just an another page change in caleder. i was just going back to my life in the vivid memory of it i found the most crucial phase of my life that i spent in ranchi. around 6 years i spent in ranchi immediately after +2 in kathmandu.
new place new people and a challenging subjec. ultimately i was happy i will become a doctor after 5 and half years. i thought i will finish my heigher studies there itslef. when i joined mbbs i came to know there are specialitites and without them one is incomplete. the completeness of which i am pursuing in the prestigious AIIMS.
Its been one and half years since i left Ranchi. since then frens, juniors and seniors ring me up whenever they have work or they want me to help for their known people. I dont take it otherwise.i am here in india's best medical institute and should be ready to help any one whether frens junior or a patient simply.

I was nostalgic when i was opening a file "photo.ranchi" in my laptop. Thought this file was corrupted. thank god its alive. i cannot resist myself without keeping in my blog. please share it.


oh its party time. reminds me the life's memorable event. it was 10 am i was working in the casualty in rajendra institute of medical sciences ranchi where i did my mbbs. my casualty chief asked me laxman how was your aiims PG entrance. i told so so. better than last time. he told god bless u. after 10 minutes later i got a call from delhi aiims result published and i was selected . really god blessed me. he was Dr. A. P Singh who seemed more happier than me that day. photo reminds the celebration same evening. Behing me on red shirt is sandeep . god sandeep is Dr. sandeep now. yesterday he told me he passed his final .



oh god this is the library. me and vikas used to be there whole day during post graduation entrance preparation . santosh our junior started coming to library following us. many other tried to study in library but we were the constant with same table always. still feel i am in the last table of right corner.



wow. this was my hostel in ranchi.hostel no 1 . though i was alloted hostel no 2 i shifted to 1 bacause it was clean and green hostel. my room was no 60 top floor. tough to stay in summer but best in winter. and my favourite balkoni, i used to be there with a cup of self made coffee and stay there for hours and hours.



hahaa my favourite hostel and balcony,the top one . heard that the chair i bought is broken and no more there. i was so fascinated to sit there and bought a chair and kept there. after all sit and have a ship of coffee in open air thats what i enjoyed there.

Page from october.

I found a page from october. probably it was written on october 2nd .I was leaving for kathmandu on 3rd here it goes...

September , a full ass sloughing month month was over. I got a day off after a full busy month

Next day I wish to be in kathmandu. Why not it’s a birth place of mine, where I can find everybody whom I need and want. Hope a safe journey to kathmandu and a safe dasain there. Infact I will be there after a long dasain gap. Almost a decade I guess.

But one more thing I will miss is tihar. The festival of light I will miss in kathmandu. I have to come back to my college just in the dawn of tihar. I am not here in tihar for a decade. really I am misising all the events and food out there in kathmandu. I will compare the kathmandu then and now . must be the same kathmandu with all cemented forests and some new faces heading to jorpati . As jorpati is good for cheap land and land with adequate water in her womb. I don’t wonder if somebody calls it a 76 district. You can find anyone from any district. Whether rich or poor. Everybody is invited in jorpati. The earlier called a charghare. Only four houses of rijal were built in the mid of the paddy field. Now more than 400 houses must have been built in near our vicinity.

What ever it is its my birth place. I should reach as early as possible.
Jai jorpati.

September, a flashback.....

Though i had written something for september i could not post it. I am very slow in typing and most of the time what i write in paper i loose it. and when i get time i enjoy sleeping as if i am a kid still. here is what ever left from what i have written. many pages are missing many stories are personal . still if u can understand you people are great.

Last month (September) was too busy for me. All of a sudden one of my junior resigned from the department and everybody came into the state of shock.

Though this was not the first time that somebody has resigned. My colleague had also resigned. Reason was same. Workload.

Imagine the work is same and people working for it are less. Though I had already finished the ward posting, me and my seniors were called back to the ward. Ward duty is hectic boring and tiring. Ready to be there at 8 AM and you never know when will you be back to room. And most of the time you will be in the ward only. You will miss breakfast this is very common. Lunch ohhh….. very few in time. And dinner constitutes of everything (breakfast lunch and dinner). You have to listen every consultants. Fulfil all the demands, prepare the case for the theatre and look after all the post operative patients. And if you miss somewhere you will be screwed like anything. Imagine at this age you will be scolded like a …. in front of everybody. This situation really sucks you.this continues for a month. You will feel like banging your head in the wall and repent for studying more and coming to AIIMS. This way aiims is a dirty place.

Whole month was like that. i hardly get time to sleep adequately, no time to had meals regularly and was working like an obedient servant and walking on the toe. Moment they need whatever, laxman used to be there for their work. Sometimes I used to feel to whom I was working ? For the patients or the consultants.

I was working like a dog I should say. Life was running under spinal level. Order – command – work – result – credit . and the credit used to go to somebody other than me. No credits to those who work for whole day and expect something atleast a praise. Nothing. Nothing but a rough and touchy scoldings instead. This is what I was doing a residency.

आँसु र हाँसो साथ साथ

हिजो म र दिपेश जि सँग सगै बसेर कुरा कानी गर्दै थियौ कि ब्लग लाई नेपाली मा कसरी लेखेने भनेर। आज मैल आफ्नो सानो दिमाग लाई यता उता लगाएर तेस्को समाधान गरे दिपेश जि ।यो खासै गाह्रो काम रहेनछ ।यो सुचना क्रान्ति को समयमा जन्मेक हामी हरुलाई के को दुख्ह छ र?

तर मैले यो कुरा थाहा पाएको हुनाले तपाईंलाई पनि थाहा पाउनु छ भने केही बन्दो बस्त गर्नु पर्‍यो नि हैन र?

दिन भर थाकेर बल्ल बल्ल कोठा मा आए । थाकेर लखतरान छु म
हैरन छु म

यो ठाउँमा के गर्दै छु जस्तो लाग्छ मलाई त कैले कही ।

खाइ न पाई छालाको तोपी लाई भनेको एइ हो ।
दुनियाँ मा नभैको नियम छ यो ठाउँ म । पऋस्रम को अबहेलना भैरहेको बेला कसैले चुक्क पनि नबोल्ने हरुको बिचमा बसेर के गर्ने ।

भर्खर आको कोठा मा फेरी जाने बेला भो । धिक्कार छ यो जिन्दगी । कुकुर पनि आरमको निन्द्रा सुत्छ तर हाम्रो हालत के भएको होला?

ल आजलाई एत्ती मा नै चित भुजाउनु पर्‍यो नि/

Woof so tired

This week was so busy, rather say hectic and tiring. Don no what will happen next week. If the same routine keeps on going I will loose few more pounds that I don’t want.

This week every second day was my 24 hour duty. 24 hour duty becomes 30 hours by the time i am free. Every case should be cleared from casualty before ending up the duty. This sucks me. And irritating problem is patients come to casualty at 7:55 and case of poly trauma at 7:55 will be my responsibility. It will definitely take hours and hours to manage and settle the problem. Till then I have to be there even after finishing the duty hours. This is how I don’t like this Asian system of working. Let’s say an American resident work for 24 hours means its 24 and no more than a second, next will come to free him. But this system of working less and crying more never can be changed if you are a sincere and hard working. people will keep on making you do work.

Till now I consider residency in Asian countries is a slavery nothing more. It’s an academic prostitution. Whole day you work for patient. No duty limitation, no human right, no basic rights of humanity (no time to have food and sleep in time, no personal life) and on top of that you will be screwed like a prostitute for mistakes. Sometimes you will loose self respect. I know much about Asian countries: everywhere residency is same with some personal, and institutional variation. Any time senior be faculty or senior colleague are ready for your faults. They are expert in finding what you have not done rather than what you have finished and how much it has contributed to the department. Everywhere principal is senior should not work and especially get their physical work done from the juniors. This holds true whether its best institute or worst. Punishment and punishment is the basic theory. The new trend is not teaching junior if their work is not done or they are not happy. Worse than a prostitute. She is paid whether you are satisfied or not. To get money is her right if she sleeps with you.

What sucks more is if you are doing residency in surgical fields you need seniors help to train yourself. This starts an exploitation of human labour. One side you have to get degree from department and other side you need to have help from senior colleague and it cuts both way. Both senior and faculty you have to satisfy. And you are the junior most; a new and young prostitute in the brothel !

And my status is a voluntary prostitute. A prostitute who satisfies a customer and his friends in a belief that main customer likes and marry her.

I don’t know whose fault is this. I am doing residency in this India’s great institute with no stipend. May be its my fault cause I came here. What a nonsense rule . foreign and sponsor are categorized in a same . its acceptable that a sponsored candidate gets stipend from his authority but what abut this poor foreign national. No sponsoring authority and no financial support at the age of 25 26 years life, you don’t have to search for a hell any more.

I am working like an obedient dog in a high hope that I will get a degree from a reputed institute no matter what quality i hold after getting a degree. I don’t think we will be an extra ordinary post graduate from this great institute itself. Still why this pseudo craze.

Since last few years there are people who are leaving even after getting admitted in this so called best institute ; a macca for every medical student.

What ever, once you are here for month’s time you have no option. Either continue in the way other like or leave. …….

No time to finish it …will write next time.

To be continued…….

what a joke.....

laloo happened to be all time icon during my stay in bihar. after i left bihar i get to know laloo in news or paper. today my friend sent ma a joke. here it goes....


Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft
Corporation, USA . A few days later he got this reply:


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.


Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar
khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab
ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze
main hai -
isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter
bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

Nepal ma pani auta AIIMS bhayeko bhaye!

Bhadhyatale harek din 7 baje uthne dimagi ghadi aaja pani 7 baje jurmurayera uthyo. Bicharolai ke tha dheri din pachi aaja mero kam kaj banda cha bhanera. Ho aaja achanak dheri din pachiko bystata pachi chuti thiyo.

Kamila le phul parera sana kamila niskane samaya bhaisakeka mera kitabharu, makurako jaloma nisassiyeka mera kitabharu, aafna batis bangara dekhayera sayed malai gijayeraheka thiye. Tara ma nakacharo bhayera hereko naherai gariraheko thiye.

Samayele fadko marne silsilama mero residency ko 1 barsa byatit bhayesakeko cha. Sayed jati haddi bigyan yenha aaunu aghi maile janeko thiye tyeti matramai simit bhayeko bhayepani aafno ejjat joginthyo ki?

Dam ra kam ko silsilama munglan paseka nepali haruko bhid ma ma pani samil chu. Farak yeti matra ho ma sanga mbbs nam ko khesro kagaj cha. Ma jani jani saririk ra manasik sosad ko bhagidar chu.din bhar rat bhar khai nakhai maile suruka 6 mahina aarpad gare . khai tyesko pratifal. Bas gali khau ra marachyase anuharma khusiko haso khisikka hasa ra gali sundai gara aafu bhanda thulako.

MBBS nam ko compounder rupi khesra kagaj ma bisasagya bhanaudo rangin kagaj jodna munglan paseko ma ra chaukidari garnema sara samanata cha, farak cha bhane gham pani nabhani pasina puchdai saririk sakti kharche bapat usle majduri paucha maile paudina.

Ke ma aanpadh gothale harke bhanda pani kam kamko hu ta?

Yo prasna maile aafulai sodhiraheko bela desh yad aayeraheko cha .matribhumi yad aayerahekobela padhe lekhera aangrej ko chaukidari garna pugeka aafna sahapathi ra des ani bechera aafno swartha lutiputi gariraheka neta haru yad aayeraheka chan. Ani antarman lai sodhchu Nepal ma apni auta AIIMS bhayeko bhaye sayed maile padhe lekhera pani Hindustani karmath chaukidar bannuparni thiyena.

Aafu sarahaka kala harule harek mahina 20 hajar I c jeb ma halda aakhibhau talu samma pugcha . ma bhane degreeko dasi chup chap chu. Ekohoro bhayera kam gariraheko chu. Aaba ta samaya yesto charamcha gadha la bhari bokna napauda aapati janaye jasto dimagi ghadi le aapati janaidida chuti bhayera pani aaja 7 baje aakha khulyo.

Same routine….

Feeling better. Day time I felt drowsiness. Started on intravenous fluid and antibiotics. Slept for few hours and started feeling better.

From evening resumed to routine duty. I was given a ward cover. Its a boring duty. Need to go to ward to look after post operative patients. Everybody seems to be fine.

Don’t know what will happen in the night. They may call me in the night. Till then I can share my time for what I like and what I mean to.

I thought of taking a photograph of my working place. Everyday I used to forget. Today seems to be right day. I clicked few and making it public. This is department of orthopaedics of the great all India institute of medical sciences, New Delhi.

Nothing more to write. Lot of things to do. Guess I should stop now.